


Fall a Little Harder

by mrhiddles



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drug Use, M/M, waiter positions oh my
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-04
Updated: 2013-12-03
Packaged: 2017-11-28 06:45:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 30,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/671479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrhiddles/pseuds/mrhiddles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One day Thor stumbles drunk into Loki's cafe. He finds it's harder to stumble back out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this for a while and finally just decided to cut it where I did because it was getting long. I either wanted to write a huge fic and submit it in one piece but of course I resorted to multichap like always.
> 
> If you don't feel comfortable reading about drug use and the effects of alcohol, and explicit sexual content in general, then don't start reading. If you do, there is lots more to come!
> 
> Thanks for reading!

I made a cover for the fic! [You can find it here~](http://mrhiddles.tumblr.com/post/58129571195)

 

\--

__

_"I've been searching for a couple words, that could grow wings and fly like birds."_

_ I Hope This Gets to You - The Daylights  
_

\--

The first time Thor saw him he was drunk and in a coffee shop.

There was a viable reason for this, he knew. He did. For being drunk at half past eight in the morning. So drunk his vision swam and his insides churned so harshly that it threatened the possibility of retching if he moved too fast. There was a reason he'd not slept all night and had wandered the streets, progressively getting drunker and drunker until his limbs felt like melted lead.

There had been a reason he'd been crying, but that was a few hours ago and he forgot that particular reason.

He fell into a booth seat, the leather torn and patchy, sliding to the dark corner where the café was empty and the sun didn't completely fill the windows. He wanted to draw the blinds, but felt if he leaned over to draw the little wooden bobble he'd hurl. That would be unpleasant. And embarrassing. And since when did cafés still have little wooden bobbles on their windows' blinds anyway?

He hunkered down and tried to forget the night before. He wanted his bed. He wanted to throw up. He wanted to die. He wanted to forget everything, but he'd come here, not gone home and thrown himself into bed and slept until he woke and forgot his limbs still worked.

"You look like shit."

A mug slid over to him and a steaming trail of liquid filled it, so close he felt the heat near his forehead. He raised his head, watching it pour, numb to any rage that would have risen at the jibe.

"What? No sense of humor? Huh." And then he was gone.

As the man who'd given him his coffee walked away, Thor watched the way his hips moved, the way the jeans clung to his legs as he walked and swept around two other servers.

Thor took a few sips of his coffee, wondering what the server's face looked like, hidden by that dark hair, feeling a vague, tired anger simmer in his belly, and then he passed out.

\--

Once, when he was a young man, just a few years past, he'd dated this girl for a while. Jane. She was nice and smart. Too smart for him. But she smiled at his jokes anyway.

A year after that his father had died. And he didn't know why he did it, but he found he liked drinking. It let his mind blank where suddenly it was too full. Too full of everything.

He did something terrible. And so he forced himself to forget.

Jane didn't work out.

Thor still felt ashamed of the way she had kissed him before she left.

\--

"Wake up, you're drooling and I think you've been burping. No one's sat over here all day. I don't want to clean up whatever's left in your stomach," the voice came again, clear, snappy. There was a loud snap in one ear and he raised his head, blinking pained eyes against the lights of the café.

"You've been asleep most of the day," the man said, drawing his fingers back from the side of his face. He had dark hair like a wash of black paint swept back from his face and bright green eyes that made Thor feel like he was being laughed at.

"Sorry…" he muttered, straightening to sitting. "I, uh…"

Another mug of steaming coffee was set before him, and Thor took it gently, just holding it. He stared down into the liquid. The thickness of his mind was still swimmy with alcohol, but it was better than it had been. And he didn't feel quite so detached from his body as he'd felt all night.

The stranger watched him carefully, hawking his movements as he rubbed at his neck. Thor noticed he had an apron bunched in one bony fist.

"I've kept you from closing," he said, beginning to rise. He didn't want to cause any trouble, and he found he didn't enjoy those eyes of his.

But the man laughed and said, "Hardly. If I'd walked in drunk off my ass so early, I'd have left me alone too." He leaned back a bit, sucking in the hollow of his cheeks as Thor relaxed into his seat.

Looking around, he noticed no one sat at any table or booth, and the lights were off halfway towards the front of the shop. He blinked against the ones still on overhead and rubbed his temple.

"Had a fun night then, I'm assuming?"

Thor snorted. "Barely counts as fun, but there it is." And then after a moment, aware of how biting and bitter he sounded, he added, "I've not been home all night."

"Figured," the man answered, unfazed. "What's your name?"

"Why?"

"Loki."

"What?"

"My name." And those green eyes shone.

"Oh." Thor shifted in his seat. "Thor. I'm Thor."

"Well, Thor," Loki began, suddenly standing. "Let's go get something to eat."

Thor's eye ached as he looked to where Loki towered over him. He sat and watched as Loki took his apron, wadded it into a tight ball tied at the middle by the strings, and launched it somewhere behind the counter.

"Why?"

"Because I'm hungry and you still look like shit."

\--

Thor didn't really know why he went along with Loki _._ The guy clearly had issues if he was willing to just shoot hellos at the hip and entertain the likes of a stranger. Like introductions were things that brokered trust so simply.

Thor had been like that once, but this, this was reckless. Careless. A challenge in a way. Dangerous.

Thor hadn't been like that. He'd been open, had had friends. So many friends. But then his family fell apart, and his friends soon after, and now…now he was here, walking with someone he hardly knew and didn't trust in the slightest. His reason? He didn't have one. Reasons eluded him these days.

"Where are we going?" Thor asked, narrowing his eyes against the bright sky. It was only four, and the sun was just this side of setting for the day. There were few people out and about, but it didn't keep him from shirking away from any contact. The idea seemed too jarring to his state, and he was too exhausted to dodge them anyway.

Loki glanced at him. "To someplace with good food. Trust me."

"Why should I do that? I have half a mind to call a cab and go back to my bed. I miss it."

"Perhaps I want to know more about the man who chased away most of my customers today."

Thor's eyes widened and he stopped walking for a moment, realization dawning on him. "You own that place?"

"Obviously." Loki tugged quickly at his elbow to get him walking again, then buried his hands in his pockets. They turned two corners before he spoke once more. "You screwed me out of reaching my rent this month."

"Gods—" Thor nearly stopped again, would have had Loki not glared at him. They kept on. "I am so sorry for that, I—"

Loki shrugged, the wind sweeping through his hair and sending it everywhere. Thor took in the way the chill had flushed Loki's face, making the skin around his bright eyes almost dark and hollowed. The man look exhausted suddenly. They stopped at a crosswalk, waiting for the light to change as cars drove past.

As Loki watched him, eyeing him up and coming to some sort of conclusion, he pushed the hair out of his face and said, "No harm done. I just eat more cereal. Nothing new."

He was thin enough as it was, Thor thought. But he shooed the thought away, he should not have been observing this man like he was. It was…strange. But the idea he'd robbed someone of his paycheck made him more inclined to having lunch with him, at least. To learn what he could about him. The guilt hit Thor like a blow, and if he had felt as bad as this morning, than he was sure it would have left him retching right there.

"Let me pay for this meal then, at least?" Thor hoped his eyes weren't too red to convey the fact he was sincere, though tired. The light flashed red, signaling their time to cross. They began walking.

There was a snort, and Loki rolled his eyes. "Had I given you any reason to believe otherwise?"

Thor stopped halfway through the crosswalk, shocked, and Loki laughed, his tongue a quick flash between his teeth. A hand reached out to tug on Thor's elbow again, pulling him firmly forward. There was a stray honk or two from annoyed drivers, but Thor didn't mind.

His head throbbed a little less.

\--

"So. I've never seen you before, in my shop I mean."

Thor glanced up from the plate of hash browns that steamed in front of him. He held a stained fork limply in one hand and though his stomach was suddenly screaming at him to fill it, he felt nauseous just thinking of trying. He twiddled the fork between his fingers, weighing the answer in his head.

The guilt was still fresh, and it sent his face scrunching against it as he sighed and said, "I don't come downtown that often."

"That's unfortunate," Loki said, and when Thor looked at him, he was focused on his own food; some sort of meat and cheese omelet.

A Denny's waitress walked by, offering in her forced state of cheer fresh cups of coffee. Thor raised his hand to say no, but Loki nodded yes and he ended up with a fresh cup anyway. The waitress smiled knowingly, and Loki inclined his head. They probably knew each other.

"I had you pegged for a waiter. Never imagined you were the owner," Thor said. He poked around the hash and pierced an egg, yellow bleeding over to soak the potatoes.

"People around here know me. Not that you would, seeing as you don't visit this part of town that much." And there was a smirk curling around his next bite of food.

Loki was pushy, this he'd gathered easily. And where before he was so ready to talk, now he just shoveled food into his face like he was a man starved. Thor raised a bite of food to his lips hesitantly, chewing and swallowing slowly. The ache of his empty stomach and the distraction of this mysterious stranger were quickly outweighing his wavering intestines.

As Loki ate, something came back to Thor, and it made him drop his fork.

_One more time, Thor. One. I gave you that phone to use, not to call up your buddies to drink—_

Hands shooting to his pockets, Thor rifled through his jacket, his pants, searching for the one thing that was keeping him above the surface. The one thing. His mother had been adamant about that, and the chances he had left. His eyes burned as possibilities assaulted him. Of what this would mean. Of where he would end up after today.

Last night had been a mistake.

Loki was watching him, slumped over his food, fork and knife poised over his plate in a stand still as he watched Thor slide back in his seat, defeated. He swallowed another bite of food, blinked almost lazily and straightened.

"What's wrong?"

"I had—a phone, did you see a phone before we left? Your café?"

"No…" Loki shook his head, eyes downcast as he recalled the moment. "What's wrong?"

Thor opened his mouth to answer, the idea of doing so coming to him automatically. He swallowed his words, knowing he would sound ridiculous. He didn't want to sound ridiculous, not to him. Not to most, but…Thor shook his head.

He was too old to say, yeah my mother has a court order against me for drinking, if I don't follow through on nightly phone calls and check points then I am not satisfying the court. No job, a shabby little apartment crammed between two nosy and loud neighbors, a family ripped at the seams and now this; his one chance gone. He would be on the streets in a week. No more biweekly payments…

He would have nothing.

Thor huffed a laugh; he was far too old to say that.

He smiled, hoping some manner of his former charm, the charm he used so well once upon a time, would work to his advantage and not serve to frighten away Loki.

"It is nothing. I've taken too much of your time, this is shameful of me."

Loki was silent as Thor opened his wallet, looking through quickly to see if he even had enough, which he thankfully did, and placed the amount on the table between them. He slid it over and Loki just stared at it, like it was only rumpled paper.

Then green eyes snapped to his and he laughed. It was different than before. Now it was all bitter and spite and Thor had thought the tone fit Loki, and it made sense.

Thor frowned, eyes narrowing. "What? I said I would pay, I have."

"A drunk giving me the last of his money, I really have fallen." But he reached for the bills anyway.

Thor didn't know what Loki meant by that, but now he felt a small cinder of anger spark in the pit of his stomach. The same from this morning, from Loki's words alone. He'd been kind enough to pay his way, and now he wouldn't have to bother with him again, so what was the issue?

"A drunk you gave free coffee to and had lunch with."

"Oh, was this a date?" he asked, tone sweetly curious.

Thor barked a laugh at him, unbelieving. "I am sorry to have wasted your time." And he braced strong arms against the table to rise to leave.

Loki stopped him short with words cut quick and sharp. "Perhaps I was intrigued by the asshole who stumbled in drunk and depressed at eight in the morning and slept through several children bouncing balled up paper straws at his head all day. I wanted to know who the guy was who made the dickhead move to sit in _my_ café and chase away _my_ customers with the stench of fuckall hanging off him."

Thor would have punched him. Would have grabbed that skinny neck and slammed his back to the ground, enjoying the way the ink wash of his hair swept wild across his face. He would have broken him.

But that was before.

Now all Thor did was bite his tongue, jaw tensing as his teeth started to ache from the effort. He blinked back bitter watered-down anger and said slowly, "Then why not throw me out? You could have done it."

"Yeah, I could have," Loki said. And it was true, Thor thought. Loki was only shorter than him by an inch or two and the way he'd pulled on his elbow earlier told Thor he was strong despite how lean he seemed to be. "But I didn't."

"Then you're as much a dickhead as I am. Goodbye." Thor finally rose and started out the way they'd entered, ignoring the looks from families seated and the employees wondering if he'd paid yet.

But his arm was snatched back as soon as he was out the door. It rang shut, the bell tinkling as he whipped his head around, nearly growling at where Loki stood. Loki had him by the bend of his arm and as Thor met the flurry in his bright eyes, he only squeezed harder.

"Fuck you. You aren't worse off than anyone else in this place."

"What?" Thor gasped out, incredulous. Loki's grip relaxed enough so that when he pulled away, he was met with no resistance.

Loki's nostrils flared as he took a step forward, Thor moving back, and as he rolled his eyes, he shot a hand out to grab Thor's. Thor nearly reeled back right then, but then Loki was drawing away and in his hand he held a familiar phone.

"You lied—"

"Fuck off," Loki snapped at him, quiet but angry. He jabbed his hands into his pockets, bracing himself against the cold and started down a street they'd not walked when arriving there.

Thor's answering shout was cut short by a vibration in his palm, the beginning of his ringtone rising as he looked down at the caller ID.

This wasn't going to be easy.

\--

"Thor, my son, I have told you too many times…"

"I know, mother." Defeated, that is what he sounded like, and he was all too aware of it. It made his stomach turn. "I—last night was not…Fandral was—"

There was a hum on the other end of the line, and Thor felt the turn in his stomach knot in unpleasant guilt. Patience was ever the one thing he was not, and his mother happened to be the epitome of the notion. It was often a wondering of Thor's how he ever managed to come from such a woman of calm dignity, when he was all shameful fire.

But then he remembered it was not always so, and the knot curled vicious fingers about his intestines, like fighting to pull him to his knees. But it was a ridiculous thing to think and he remained as he was, in his shitty little apartment, alone and on the phone.

"Thor?" came the soft voice. Frigga had been a councilor when he'd been a child, but those days had passed. Her motherly ways had been focused on not just him, but so many others. And she was good at it. After…what happened, she'd stopped. She felt she needed to focus on her family, on what was left. On Thor.

Yet another thing to feel guilty about.

"Thor, Coulson—he called. I tried to tell him you were at your apartment." There was a pause, long and silent, full of everything he knew she wouldn't bring up. "He said there had been complaints."

Fandral was fine, this wasn't an issue, it shouldn't be an issue, he hadn't been _that_ drunk.

But Thor knew these things were faceless matters to his mother. It was like she knew when something happened, or before it even did. It used to freak him out of getting into too much trouble as a kid, but now it only served to reinforce his belief she wouldn't find it necessary to bring up unpleasant things. But not always, not this time.

"The hospital called an hour ago." Thor held his breath. "He's not pressing charges. There was the beginning of a report, but it was dismissed. Coulson didn't press the matter." Another long pause where he heard a small sigh and he felt worse for it. "He is still your friend, Thor."

"Not after last night. I went too far."

"The fact he didn't force the report is testament to your friendship. He'll be okay."

Blood dotting the pavement and smearing a smug face marred his thoughts and he sucked in a harsh breath. Said tersely, "I won't. I'm not going there; I won't make him see my face. I can't go back now; they won't want anything to do with me."

"Thor, listen—"

"Mother!" he snapped, then quieted. Too far, always too far. "Please, I—I was drunk."

"I know that, Thor."

Somehow this made his heart stutter painfully, banging hard behind his ribs. His palms were sweating, and he gripped the phone tighter. Thor shut his eyes and willed the conversation to end quicker than it was turning out to. "It won't happen again. I'm not going back there, to Sif and the others. Not after Fandral. They won't want anything to do with me after that." And he didn't want to see how badly he'd hurt one of the only friends who'd stuck around.

The silence lasted longer than before this time, and Thor felt his grip on the phone falter. He nearly dropped it before his mother finally said, "We agreed, Thor." And there was pain in her voice, tiny, muted, but there.

"I know, I remember."

"One week. You've had too many from me. One more week, and if you don't manage our deal by then, I—"

He pinched the pained gathering of his brow and said quietly, "I'll find a job, I'll stop drinking. This, it won't last. I promise, mother."

"I believe you."

But the way she said it, the way she hung up, made Thor believe the opposite.

\--

Thor's apartment was on the middle floor, pressed between a family who always ordered takeout and argued with each other at three in the morning, and a man Thor believed never slept, instead choosing to watch infomercials all night and sometimes disappear for weeks on end. They didn't bother him much, but they often asked after him as they ventured from their doors, and it was awkward bringing his friends around. So he didn't. And he wouldn't, not anymore.

He was alone, and that was just fine, now.

Thor didn't want to think about last night so he didn't. Instead, he sat on his couch, phone thrown on the cushion beside him, TV remote in one hand as he flipped through channels he didn't entirely want to commit to. He was in one of those moods between, where everything seemed as equally unappealing and appealing at the same time.

There was a bottle of unopened liquor on the floor near his foot, but he didn't look at it, fought to stay focused on the glaring brightness his small television threw off into the darkness. Frigga would have his head if she knew he had any in his home at all.

Thor pushed away from the floor, swinging his legs up on the couch and flipping off the television at the same time.

One week to find a job, or he'd be cut off. It was cliché, almost, how it had played out. But then here he was, so who had he to blame but himself? It was all the worse Thor was aware of the fact.

The family next door were starting up again, voices raising to shake the thin walls and he huffed quiet laughter into the darkness, half mad for all of a moment. Thor jabbed the heels of both palms into tired eyes and willed for sleep to take him. To ward off his busy thoughts.

His phone rang then, the light glinting from between his strewn legs, startling him a bit. But he let it go, not wanting to speak to his mother so soon. Or maybe it was Coulson. The tone went on for a while, longer than most would tolerate waiting for an answer, but eventually it stopped and the silence rang for it.

Thor was exhausted but sleep was a long time in coming. By not thinking of last night, he thought of this morning, and this afternoon. He thought about Loki, the inky sweeping of his hair as he pushed it away from bright, cunning eyes. Thor thought about the anger he'd seen in them as Loki stormed off, and he felt new, mild confusion swim in his chest. It was curious, all of it. He'd never met anyone quite like Loki.

When sleep did claim him, he dreamt of viper green eyes and a short, vicious scream of pain, blood dotting the pavement all around him.

\--

Thor was startled out of sleep so suddenly he felt his heart jump, arms swinging wide to grip the edges of the couch. His phone was ringing, loudly, music arcing near the chorus of the song he'd set for it. He'd have to change that later. But it had been going for a while, he knew, and felt a wave of concern flood him. Maybe something had happened to Fandral, to his mother? Maybe Fandral decided to press charges against him after all. But why would he risk it?

The light was a beacon in the dark of his apartment, and it just _kept ringing_. A quick glance at the glowing clock atop his television told him it was only four in the morning. He'd slept maybe three hours.

Groaning a bitter curse to the air, Thor bent forward to grab his phone. Just as his fingers skimmed the edge, ready to pull it to him, it stopped.

He let out a wordless yell, though still mindful of his neighbors—despite being able to hear the sound of distant water running, maybe a shower or washing dishes. He rubbed at his eyes, lying back and sinking further into the cushions.

Sleep was slowly creeping up on him again when his phone went off. Without bothering to open his eyes, Thor leaned forward and snatched up the offending thing, accepted the call and pressed it to his ear.

"Yeah?" he forced out, not bothering with hiding his annoyance.

"You didn't leave a tip."

That woke him up. Blue eyes snapped wide at the sound of Loki's voice in the receiver and he felt the words bubble from him before he could stop them. "What the _hell_ —"

"You didn't leave a tip, at the diner. Dick move, Thor. Now I have to tip double the next time I'm there."

"You took my phone," Thor began, piecing the previous day together as quickly as he could, "for my number?"

"Obviously. I open in an hour. You should come by."

A laugh rumbled past his lips. "Why, Loki? Why would I ever—"

"I have an offer for you."

Thor held the phone away from him, glaring at it. He was too tired to yell, too tired to throw it away from him. He didn't even feel like he could just hang up either. He was intrigued, damn everything, but he was. His better judgment told him to just end the call, but the larger, worse part of his judgment, the one that housed his enjoyment for drink, made him bring the phone back to his ear.

"What sort of offer?"

"An hour," Loki said. "I'll make us food." And then there was a beat of silence and Thor knew he'd hung up.

His head lolled back on the pillow beneath his head, and he considered just staying where he was. Like he was just going to get up and scramble for the bus just to make it across the twenty minutes worth of city to Loki's shitty little café in his shitty little downtown in this shit city.

But his legs were already sliding off the cushions, feet planting on the floor. And for the first time in a very, very long time, he didn't even glance at the still-full bottle of liquor by his feet as he ambled his way to his shower.

\--

The chill was a spiteful thing against the layers he wore, making his cheeks flush and his nose run, the wind blowing his hair all to hell. When he entered, Loki was in the kitchen, the sound of clinking pans and the smell of bacon warming his senses. Loki angled his head at the sound of his door closing, the bell tinkling Thor's arrival, but didn't say anything or turn to watch as Thor huddled down in a seat closer to the kitchen. The place was empty.

Thor pulled at the length of the scarf about his neck, tugging it open as he listening to Loki cook. He cursed at something and it made Thor chuckle into the collar of his coat. Raking hands through his tangled hair, he finally just dug out an old band from a pocket and tied it up and out of the way.

Thor had the passing inclination to help, but Loki had said he'd handle it. Plus, he was the one that had been dragged out of bed when the rest of the city was sleeping.

Well, everyone save Loki.

Looking to the door he considered just leaving. He didn't know why he'd come in the first place.

"Stop ripping my straws apart and come get your food." Startled, Thor looked up to see Loki staring at him over the ridge of the counter. "I'm not your waiter, as we sorted all that out yesterday."

"You did bring me coffee," Thor returned, standing to head to the kitchen.

It felt odd being behind the counter of a café, of a place that served anything. It had been years since he'd worked in anything remotely like it, and the two months he had was in a Togo's in high school. And even then, he was just a dish washer. He grabbed the plate Loki gestured to and followed him out.

"I needed to earn your trust," Loki said, smirking. "Who knows what a wild drunk will do when knocked out in an innocent cafe." He sat across from where Thor had been.

The food Loki had made consisted of blueberry muffins and some store bought sausage he'd heated in the microwave.

"Is this safe?"

Loki had already eaten half of one muffin and he raised a brow. "No, I poisoned it." He took another bite and swallowed. "Oh, if you want a drink, there's a fridge in the back." He jabbed a thumb behind him without turning, and Thor went to grab one.

He sat back down with an orange juice, stomach still mildly suspicious of any liquids he intended to swallow. Across from him, Loki was starting on a third muffin, and he had a napkin balled in one fist.

"Eat. I came in earlier than usual to make them for us."

"Why not just eat something that's in the display cases you have set up? Better yet," he leaned forward, finally biting into a muffin, and _oh_ they were good. "Why bother at all? With the food, with taking my number. Thanks for calling so early by the way."

"You were the one who didn't pick up his phone last night, so." Loki toyed with the napkin in his fist as he watched Thor eat. "And I can't have vagrants eating my customer's food."

He snorted and ended up choking a little on the muffin. Loki quirked a lip, but didn't say anything. Finally, after clearing his throat, "Vagrant?"

"You were in a poor state."

"I recall I looked like shit?"

"Then you remember." And Loki huffed at the way Thor frowned.

"You told me you had an offer. I can't imagine why." Really, he should have stayed home, on his couch. But he ate another muffin anyway.

Loki relaxed in his seat, crossing his ankle over his knee. He regarded Thor evenly, head tilted back a little. He was taking his time with what he had to say so Thor kept dutifully silent. "You seemed concerned at scaring away my customers."

Thor swallowed, throat bobbing painfully. He looked down. "I was. I am. It was not my intention." His eyes slipped closed and he remembered Fandral with powder on his nose and a tie around his neck and Thor wanting— _needing_ to stop him, to get answers out of him. Hogun had tried to hold him back, Volstagg too. Sif had looked frightened, of _him_.

"I never meant for any of this."

Loki let out a silent breath and Thor realized he'd said it aloud. He tensed, wondering if the topic would be pushed, but thankfully Loki hadn't noticed or didn't care.

Then, softer, "Pay me back."

He sighed, bringing his hands up to rub the heels of his palms over his eyes until he saw the darkness dance with swimming stars. "You saw what I had left yesterday, I—"

"You misunderstand," Loki interrupted, business-like. Thor opened bleary eyes to look at him, wondering. "I am asking you to work for me until you pay me back."

"Oh," he breathed. That was his offer? A job? This was what he needed to do, above all other things. Get a job, make his own income, prove to his mother he was doing _better_. That he was better than he was.

"Don't talk all at once, now." And Loki still spoke softly, considering, eyes shining with thoughts that Thor didn't want to think on. Things he would question. Questions about all this.

So he only asked, "How much did I cost you?"

Loki pursed his lips. "Let's say a month's worth of work. You can keep a hundred out of each check for yourself and you can keep your tips."

"Tips?" Thor felt excited for the first time in a long while. It seemed unreal even now, as he sat with Loki, a stranger, who was just offering jobs as easily as he offered hellos.

"I need more waiters anyway, I don't like waiting on their breaks." And the smirk he gave was vicious then. "Smile like that and you'll be carrying a jar-full home each night."

He hadn't realized he'd been smiling. Thor claimed his composure, the smile shrinking to hint at the edges of his mouth as he held up his hands. "Thank you, Loki."

"You owe me, is all." He stood, stacking their plates and lifting Thor's drink to see if it was empty or not, but set it back down when he realized it was still half full. He started walking to the small kitchen.

"Really, Loki," Thor called, standing now. Loki's bright eyes slid over to him in the pale light. "You don't know how much this means."

Loki shrugged, switched on the faucet in the sink. "Maybe I have some idea."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, long story short, I've been buried in college and conventions for the past six months. The summer semester just ended yesterday, and I have one month of break before the fall semester starts up again. So hopefully I'll have a few more chapters up by then of both this fic and Broken Things. Thanks for sticking with this everyone! <3

Thor worked hard. And he had forty dollars worth of tips before three hours were through. Not the greatest, but still, it was something.

Loki watched him ceaselessly despite still going about his own duties. He walked about his cafe, nodding to people, some shaking his hand, others giving up one praise or another. Thor didn’t hear them, but he recognized the reasons behind the smiles Loki gave in return. They were quick and sharp and it made Thor focus more intently on his own work.

He washed dishes, he bussed tables, he took orders and gave people their food. The only other person working today was a girl by the name of Darcy. She was kind and smiled easily and Thor found he quite liked her simple, raunchy humor. He even witnessed Loki laugh at one point, and that was the moment Thor knew he would enjoy his time here.

The work was fast paced and easy to catch on to. The rhythm was pleasing and Thor let himself fall into it.

He watched Loki sometimes, just to see what a manager like Loki handled business.

Thor saw someone who enjoyed what he did. It surprised him. He would have thought Loki to be more...wild. In a way. Here, the mundane work of a coffee shop seemed an ill fit to his otherwise sharp expressions. Loki seemed so aware of everything and everyone around him, it was almost unsettling to Thor. Thor, who hadn’t worked a real job in years. Who hadn’t been around people other than his closest friends for even longer.

And he was enjoying it.

He was almost excited to tell his mother about it. That things were looking good. That he was feeling the smallest amount of _hope_.

But Fandral was still in the hospital. He knew that Sif, Hogun, and Volstagg wanted nothing to do with him anymore. Not after having done what he did. It was unforgiveable. Thor wasn’t fit for friendship with anyone. Not anymore.

Loki grabbed a dish from his hands and dunked it in the sink himself about an hour before lunch.

“Meet me out back in twenty minutes. I want to ask you something.”

\--

Thor was still annoyed by the quick, sharp angels that Loki seemed to be carved from. He moved quickly, acted only after watching the scene for a while. It was a smart thing, but something that Thor did not know how to do. He acted when he knew he had to, and he suspected Loki would wait past the point of need. Move on want.

Loki seemed to be a creature of want, and Thor couldn’t entirely find fault in that. Not in how he let his fingers glide over the hair of his forearm on the way out the back door. It distracted him enough for the annoyance at missing potential tips to smooth over. He could make up the difference.

The back of the cafe faced an alley. It was lit well enough in the day, but he knew by nightfall it would be nearly too dark to see. There was graffiti covering the wall in wide, looping neon colors and a few scrawled genitalia towards the curb. Thor snorted at it as Loki lit a cigarette.

He leaned back against the brick and inhaled smoothly before letting the smoke escape through his nose. The simmering flame sparked and the embers flicked out from the tip as he pulled it away. He was watching Thor.

“So,” he started.

“So what?”

Loki smirked. “So, how do you like it? You’re making quite a profit already.”

“Yeah, a little.” Thor shrugged, knowing Loki was only saying it to seem nice. A strange word for him.

“Smile more and they’ll be throwing their money at you.” Loki bobbed the cigarette in his hand once more and took a drag before lowering it again. The smoke wafted around Thor but he didn’t mind.

Loki’s eyes were on his face, watching the way he inhaled the smoke himself. The smirk was gone and Thor realized what he’d done. He shrugged.

“You’re odd, Thor,” Loki muttered.

“You’ve only known me a few days. I doubt you know enough about me to call me odd.”

“I know enough that I want to know more.”

The second time Thor met his eyes, Loki switched his gaze to the ground.

\--

It was the next morning that Thor was walking to work from the bus stop when he looked up out of chance. He never really looked at the building the cafe was in before and he found the brick extended all the way up, old pipes and graffiti marking the walls like puzzlework. The burnt scent of wood smoke and coffee filtered like a blind through the streets, making him curious where it was coming from. He still had yet to wander around, see the other little shops. Clouds gathered overhead in a grey haze and it looked like rain. But that was not what caught his attention.

A wisp of smoke curled out of a window, a familiar bony hand flicking at the ashes.

Loki leaned out his flat window and puffed on the cigarette once more before blowing it back out. Thor stood, enthralled at the way he watched the sky, the city.

The sun was steadily creeping into the sky and Loki smeared the butt of his cigarette on a brick before disappearing back inside. The cinders bright specks of orange before being carried off by the chill breeze.

Thor wondered what other little day-to-day things Loki took pleasure in, what he did when he wasn’t busy running a business.

Blinking, Thor followed the curl of smoke into the sky.

\--

The days following were busy enough that Thor found he went straight to sleep when he got home in the early evening. He was at Loki’s cafe every morning at four and worked well into the afternoon that by the time he did get home he barely had the energy to remember to eat.

One afternoon, Thor grew curious at the lack of sign outside the shop. The name had never been passed around and with the unofficial status of his employment, there had been no applications to fill in the details. Just Loki, Darcy, and him serving and speaking to endless streams of customers.

When he’d asked, Darcy had shrugged. She said, “People just say the coffee shop, that one place with the good muffins, and so on. You know, it doesn’t really have a name.”

“The application didn’t even have it?” Thor asked as he toweled off dishes.

Darcy smiled. “Naw, I asked if I could work here, and he gave me a training day and that was it. I’ve been here for almost a year.”

Thor had nodded, pursing his lips at the fact Darcy didn’t know either, and that had been that.

At closing, he’d made more money that day than he had in three.

At the bus stop, he kept the bills folded in a band in his coat pocket. He held them close, and knew that he’d just paid half his month’s rent in a matter of hours.

\--

If he had to pick a day, Thor would say it fell apart on a Tuesday.

Thor was waiting for a pot of water to boil, Loki beside him frosting a tray of intricate cookies. An act he would tease Loki for if he didn’t know that Loki took his work very seriously. And the fact they were fucking delicious. He ate more here than he did at home.

A fact he did not attribute to the change in company.

Focus straying, Thor watched as a man, stout and dressed in black, walked to the counter. He had his wallet already out and was staring at Loki’s back. Thor nearly went to help him, but stopped when he realized the man was only paying attention to Loki.

Thor nudged his elbow into Loki’s, and Loki muttered a curse at him for halting his actions. But he turned when Thor nodded behind him.

Loki paused, straightening, and handed Thor the pastry bag he’d been using.

“Finish those for me, will you?” Loki said, not looking away from the man at the counter.

Thor huffed because he knew Loki knew damn well he was terrible at using the thing. He also didn’t like the guy; he had sunken eyes and a cemented glower. “Trouble?”

Loki quirked a brow and smirked his way, not meeting his eyes, before walking forward. “Not your particular brand, I think.” And when Thor didn’t reply, he finally angled his head enough for Thor to meet his eyes. “It’s fine.”

Thor only watched as Loki walked and greeted the man with a firm shake of his hand. Loki didn’t smile. Loki didn’t even smirk. The man in black was quick to the point, whatever point that was, and soon he was heading on his way out.

Loki had a white card in hand, tucking it into a pocket. Thor watched it disappear behind the apron he wore, and noted the distant look in Loki’s eyes.

“Alright?” Thor asked.

Loki threw him a sharp look, and didn’t speak to him for the rest of the day.

Tuesday passed slow and anxious.

\--

“Darcy called in sick, and it’s a Sunday. Let’s skip.”

Thor was murmuring his assent into the phone before he could properly shake the sleep from his voice. A glance at his clock told him it was barely three.

“Did I wake you?” Loki questioned, and Thor would swear that his voice had gone a little soft.

“Do you _sleep_?”

“Do you ever _not_?” Loki shot back easily, back to his usual tone, and Thor didn’t even question it. Loki was obscure, as ever.

“When did Darcy call in?”

“Last night. I suspect she’s quite hung over at the moment.” Thor waited patiently as Loki gathered whatever passionate snark he would hurl at him next. “Besides I don’t feel like going in today. I’ve had enough of sniveling children crying at their mother’s tit for an extra cookie to last several lifetimes.”

“Loki, what about your rent? You are...”

“Your boss. And as your boss, I am heavily implying that as a workforce, we should skip.”

Thor sat up, shifting his legs until he was crosslegged beneath his covers. “What, are we in middle school?”

“Oh, imagine if we were. It could be much worse. I could be seducing your fragile mind to smoke a hooter by the old shitty abandoned lockers.” Thor snorted and he could almost hear the smile in Loki’s voice as he said, “Come on, I want to show you something.”

Thor considered it a moment, short as it was. He still remembered the way Loki had snarled at him in front of the diner.

_You aren't worse off than anyone else in this place._

Thor thought of Fandral, his brain nearly slipping out his nose, and the _blood_.

Thor thought of Loki, laughing with his tongue stuck out.

\--

He showed up twenty minutes later just as Thor was gearing up to take a shower. He was sweaty from sleep, so he grabbed a random tank top and slipped it on, pushing his tangled hair away from his eyes. He had to seem reasonably put together, at least.

The knocking persisted as Thor took a cursory glance around his living room, trying to spy any stray cans of beer or bottles of anything else. He knew there weren’t any at the moment, he’d not had a drink since he started working for Loki.

Another fact attribute to a refreshingly busy schedule. But he never spent much thought on it.

He was still in a pair of boxers but didn’t really care. It was still before four in the morning, and he hadn’t even had any coffee.

Loki was a picture of cold poise when he opened the door, save for the flush high on his cheeks from the cold. He had a thick scarf looped around his neck over a pea coat and pants so tight Thor felt like he needed to offer him something looser for comfort. The only usual difference about him was that his hair wasn’t entirely slicked back, it hung loose about his ears and temples.

Loki took one look at him, eyeing his mess of hair and laughed.

“Definitely not a night owl.”

“Obviously,” Thor said, stepping aside to let him in. Loki raised a brow but walked by regardless.

He just stood there a while, looking around his living room, a thoughtful tilt to his mouth. When Thor cleared his throat Loki leaned back against his wall and crossed his ankles. When Loki met his eyes he smiled.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” Thor said after an awkward moment. Loki nodded and Thor went on his way.

\--

Loki, as it turned out, didn’t own a car.

“How did you get to my apartment so fast, then?” Thor huffed as they crossed an empty street, ignoring the flashing red hand at the opposite end. A police car lingered in the distance, headlights drifting murky through the fog as it idled. Some homeless people slept huddled at the other side of the street.

“I was walking around.”

“At three in the morning?” And in this neighborhood?  
  
Loki shrugged. “It’s quiet.”

Home is quiet too, Thor thought, but he doesn’t speak it. He wanted to ask if Loki really did have a flat above his shop, but that would be strange, so he kept his mouth shut. He still didn’t know that Thor saw him out of his window that one time.

The streets were a mess of tangled turns and loops and signs and old buildings covered in graffiti and rotting away. It was a mess of the old world of the city that Thor had never really seen. The part of modern civilization people always romanticized for it’s tragic beauty. Thor didn’t think so. It reminded him only of how even the most steadfast of foundations could fall apart, open for everyone to see, to butcher, to make their own.

It was too quiet in dawn, the sun a dust of golden hue in the distance beyond tall buildings and it was freezing out. Loki was set in his piled clothing but all Thor had was his one jacket, jeans, and a couple of shirts layered atop one another. He felt bulky and barely warm, but it worked.

“Your ears are red.”

“Fuck off,” Loki said, chuckling gruffly. Thor laughed too.

A couple cars turned the corner and drove on, banishing the quiet for a short while before letting it mold back around them once more.

Thor decided to break it. “So, where are you taking me anyway? Stealing me away to a back alley or a forest to kill and skin me?”

Loki glanced at him. “Dark of you.” Thor glared and he went on. “I can’t tell you. It would ruin the surprise. I can, however, tell you we are going to the woods.”

“I knew it.” And he when he knocked Loki’s elbow with his playfully, he nearly startled himself. Loki just shoved him back, like nothing out of the ordinary.

“You’ll see,” he said.

The silence returned, but Thor thought it a little less encompassing.

\--

The woods were about an hour long walk just past the initial triad of buildings that made up the outskirts of downtown. The smoky fog gradually gave way to new light as the sun peeked over the ridges of paved hills and Thor saw people begin to drift awake. The early ones, wandering out for papers in their underwear or robes and the commuters in their suits and car keys. Another day, another sunrise.

Loki loosened his scarf enough so that it hung at his shoulders now, swaying past his chest and whipping around his stomach and occasionally brushing Thor’s arm as they kept on. The wind whipped their hair to a mess and though Thor tied his back, Loki didn’t seem to mind.

“There,” Loki said, nodding his chin at a line of trees. Benches were placed just before it, and there was an obvious path leading into the trees. A normal park. Hardly a forest.

“Quite the adventurer,” Thor remarked. He meant it to come out scathing, but it sounded soft to his own ears.

“We’re skipping class remember?”

“You child,” Thor muttered as Loki led them onto the path.

There was no one around. It was far too early for morning jogs. The sun may have been rising but the air was still chilly enough to bite into the few spaces of skin it could reach despite their layers.

It was a usual park, with benches placed every now and then and the occasional trash bin. He eyed a barbeque pit some yards in the distance, in the crux of two pathways diverging. There were many paths splitting off and the trees were thicker between, obviously not where people walked through.

Loki led him down a single path for around half an hour, before turning and abruptly plodding his way through a thick meeting of branches and leaves. Thor hesitated, unsure if Loki could even fit through the chaos of so many plants. It was actually beginning to look like a forest.

“If you get stuck I’m leaving you,” Thor said, watching his efforts.

Loki ignored him, only turning back around and beckoning him on when he had a particular branch held high and out of their way.

Loki was waiting for him. Thor stepped through, the space hugging close and scratchy. It was a small little area dipped between the hang of plants and shade and insects probably too close, hidden to the eye. The nearness of it all made Thor want to squirm but he reasoned that there was enough to space to sit without being too uncomfortable.

Loki moved to the far left and sunk against the base of a thick tree, like he had always done it. Thor had a feeling he had.

Thor knew that whatever reason Loki had for coming here often, it was a reason powerful enough to drive him away from his business. Something he seemed so content in doing. Why not go up to his apartment above the cafe? Why not close it down every once in a while, like today, and just sleep?

Thor knew that feeling well, but he’d never gone out and lurked in a forest.

Loki already had his lighter out when Thor shrugged to the ground beside him. There was about three feet of space between them, and Thor found the air here was warmer.

“The farther back you go, the thicker it gets,” Loki stated. “Can’t afford landscapers in this part of town.” He shrugged and shimmied a cigarette into his palm.

Thor eyed him, disliking the fact he had fire in so small a space, surrounded by flammable plantlife. His fingers itched to take it from him, but he restrained himself.

Loki took a deep breath, closed his eyes and leaned back against the trunk, stretching one leg out before him. His knee just brushed the side of Thor’s leg, but he didn’t move away.

Thor caught himself, he kept forgetting how it used to be. How it had been easy, so easy, around others.

Smoke spilled from Loki’s lips and Thor was reminded that it was easy around Loki. Easy enough to almost forget himself.

Thor wanted to ask how long Loki intended to stay here. It wasn’t exactly something Thor found himself craving most days, and certainly not as a surprise. He wondered what other plans Loki had, if he intended to take up the entire day.

But Loki took the chance from him. “You’re a hard worker, Thor.”

“Thanks.”

Loki smirked and tilted his head against the trunk, taking another drag off his cigarette. His eyes slotted as he stared out through what space there was between the leaves.

“So I find it odd you didn’t have a job before I offered you one.”

“So? Unemployment is kind of a big thing these days.”

“It is.” Another long pull of smoke. It filled the space with heady ashy scent.

“What are you asking?”

“There was blood on your clothes and under your nails that first day.”

Thor went still, sight unfocused as he thought back to how badly he beat Fandral...for nothing more than that Thor was angry, drunk, upset.

Loki was watching him, eyes lazy and trailing over his face. Thor shrugged and Loki said, “If you bled on my seats I really would have kicked you out.”

“Why didn’t you?” Thor asked quietly. An echo of the question he’d poised what seemed like years ago.

“Because it wasn’t your blood on your hands, now was it?” And when Loki’s mouth pulled up, Thor saw teeth.

Thor expected to feel anger at the question, to feel the urge to rise and just ruin, like before. But all he felt was tired. “I was drunk.”

“Yeah.”

Thor bit his tongue, then said, “My friend is in the hospital because of me.”

Loki hummed short, and blew out more smoke.

“I nearly beat him to death. And the others, they saw. I—”

He cut off as he watched Loki shift, pulling his legs to him and shifting to kneeling. He moved to Thor’s side and sat, their shoulders touching. Thor was about to ask what he was doing when Loki offered him his carton of cigarettes.

“I don’t smoke,” Thor told him.

“Sure. Just take one.”

Thor frowned now, voice firm. “I don’t—”

Loki tilted his head back, met Thor’s stare and blew smoke directly into his face. Thor could see the wisps of his smile show through, broad and gleeful. The sweet burn of nicotine filled his throat and swelled through his chest, and he coughed for it.

“So, what did he do, this friend?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re not insane or blood thirsty, I can tell that much. So what was it?”

Loki nudged his shoulder with his own, and Thor felt an incredulous laugh bubble it’s way to his throat. He shook his head.

“I was drunk,” he managed.

Loki raised a brow. Thor pursed his lips, feeling like a child being lectured. “I found him trying to...” Thor bit his cheek, remembering the purple of Fandral’s face, the white around his nose, the tie around his neck. “It doesn’t matter now, so why do you care?”

“I’m curious.”

Thor snorted at that. Loki presented him the carton again, and though Thor considered, he didn’t move to take one.

“You sound like you’ve fallen, what more will one cigarette do?”

Thor remained silent, eyes closing at Loki’s words.

There was the sound of a clicking lighter, the spark of flame and the dry sear of a filter crumbling, then Thor smelled yet more smoke.

He followed the scent, the airy flight of it.

“Hopeless fool,” Loki muttered, sounding much closer.

Thor felt a hand palm at his waist, Loki’s mouth a tingle of skin along his jaw, and he breathed deep. So deep it spread like a rumble through him.

Loki was all hot breath against his jaw, his cheek, as he swung a leg over Thor’s thighs. He pressed close, nearly sitting on him, and dragged lips to his own.

Loki kissed Thor and Thor felt what it was like to forget.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The question was, what do you name an intricate underground drug ring in a Thor AU other than Jotunheim? Stick to the obvious. I also laugh at my own jokes, so I think that tells a lot of my humor in this wildly overdue fic.

Like breathing in gasoline, fire, the smoke of a filter half rotted away. That was what it was like kissing Loki. A moving, solid weight atop his hips, waist curving in the palm of his hands, tongue working along his.

Thor slid his hands beneath Loki’s shirt, Loki rutting forward and making him gasp into his mouth. The spread of skin stretching over roiling shoulders was sinuous and felt wonderful under his hands. Hot skin, close and his, his—

Loki rolled his hips forward again and Thor felt himself going hard. He was sweating, despite the lingering chill of the air that still managed to seep through their tiny little alcove, but he felt his cheeks flush despite it. Loki’s scarf found its way halfway down Loki’s chest, falling to the ground.

“We’re kissing,” Thor said, hands trailing over Loki’s skin. There was a spot of sweat at the gathering of his lower back, and Thor scratched his nails over it, feeling Loki squirm.

“Wonderful observation,” Loki shot back, smiling into his mouth. He pressed closer and sucked on his tongue for a quick moment, before moving and biting at his jaw.

Thor’s hands smoothed over his back, his sides, his chest. He thumbed at a nipple and felt Loki go rigid above him, hips stuttering, mouth rushing hot breath against his skin. He did it again, felt Loki grip his hair tight. With Loki there in his arms, soundly before him, hugging him close, Thor wanted to flip him over and touch everywhere.

But they only rutted. He moved his other hand to the waist of his pants, dipping beneath the belt and band of his underwear, and feeling the smooth skin beneath. He squeezed and brought his hand back out, and his palm caught on a paper in Loki’s back pocket.

Loki snapped his hips forward just as Thor pinched what he already knew was a business card.

Loki went still when he realized Thor had stopped roaming his body with his hands. He pulled back some, looked at what Thor was reading over his shoulder, and said, “Oh.”

The moment lost its hasty, fervent pull, and so when Loki sat back on his thighs, Thor didn’t question it. He palmed himself over his jeans, and let his sight unfocus somewhere beyond Thor’s forehead.

The card was white, had one word on it, and a single silver number in the corner. Nothing else, and what he read there sat in his stomach heavy and sick. Like an illness. He felt dizzy.

Loki untangled himself from Thor’s grasp, sliding to sit beside him once more.

“I told you that it was nothing for you to worry about.”

Reality had snapped back to him, cold and unforgiving and crushing. Thor thought of Fandral then, and felt a familiar rage bubble dangerously inside him.

The card displayed _Ice_ in straight, sloping silver boss, with a number three in the bottom corner. Different number, higher on the list, but he’d seen it before.

In Fandral’s wallet.

“You’re a customer at Ice?”

Loki was silent for a long time as he lit another cigarette. “It’s just a bar.”

Thor felt his nostrils flare, not entirely in control of the motion. “I’m not stupid, Loki. I know—”

Loki leaned away, leveling him a stare. “It’s not anything to trouble you. Don’t worry about it.”

Thor bit his tongue, felt blood well in his mouth, and crumpled the card in his fist. He tossed it at Loki and stood, towering and cramped in the limited space. Loki twirled the new cigarette between two fingers and watched him, waiting, jaw set and lips twitching.

“That’s why you never sleep? You’re too fucking blown to lie down? I’m not stupid. I’m _not_ ,” he spit, practically shaking. Loki just kept staring, unblinking in the face of his rage. “I know what the number means. The closer to one, the better quality product, right? Better chance at getting in line for what Ice really is?”

“Not exactly.”

Thor didn’t hear him, he was too caught up in the thrill of the outburst, the sound of his own voice. It felt like years since he felt his heart pound so hard, and his breath came hard and quick and he felt like he did back then. Before the funeral, before Jane, before everything.

“You...” Thor trailed off, raking his eyes over the way Loki watched him. He was entirely emotionless, his expression almost bored. He felt that first urge to break him, and oh, it was refreshing. His skin tingled with the feeling. Then Loki shrugged.

Something long buried, rotting away, came to life inside Thor. He knelt before Loki and took his shoulders and shook him. Loki looked only mildly shocked but that smirk had bloomed to life over his lips and it was enough to know Thor hadn’t pushed too far.

“You want to know about Ice? I think your friend already does.”

Stunned, like a blow to the face, Thor released Loki’s shoulders. And, just like that, the fire was gone. He felt a dry aching fatigue sink over his bones and felt his jaw burn where he unclenched his teeth. Loki was a glorious, smirking fire-lit entity before him, skin pale and smoke wafting over his face like a shroud as he took one last drag.

Thor straightened to his feet, and left the way they had come.

\--

The honest do not speak at funerals.

The funeral had been long, and the list of those attending even longer. Thor had had a difficult time smiling. Frigga had not cried. His mother was too proud, too knowing, to cry for a man like Odin. No matter how greatly she loved him.

Too many people showed up, he remembered thinking. Thor knew his father had been known, Odin was a man of the people, a leader, a king in his own right. He could be as cruel as he could be kind. Thor thought only he and his mother were familiar with that Odin. Their Odin. His father.

But these people, most he didn’t even know. People who gave him and his mother gifts and words they didn’t need, or want, on Thor’s part. His father was dead, why make it uncomfortable? Odin wasn’t here to listen any longer.

Why speak words no one wanted to hear?

\--

The next day Thor called in sick. Darcy answered and for that he was secretly relieved.

“Oh yeah, sure thing. Everyone needs to play hooky now and again.” And then there was a trickle of laughter, and the sound of chairs being flipped off tables and set right. Thor hung up without saying goodbye.

Loki didn’t call him that night.

\--

The next morning he called in again, and Loki was the one to answer.

“I give you a total of two sick days and you use them two in a row?” he asked, then sighed. “Come in tomorrow though, don’t be a dipshit dropout. Wouldn’t want you stuck by those shitty lockers.”

And then Loki hung up on him.

For all the anger he still felt for Loki, that did make him smile.

\--

Thor got a phone call that afternoon. And when he answered, he was still sleepdrunk. Thor hadn’t left his bed all day, watching movies and eating ice cream and generally enjoying being a bum. A working class bum. Still sober, despite the last couple days.

“Thor...?”

He shot up to sitting before he even realized he’d mumbled out a hello.

It was Sif.

“Can we meet for lunch somewhere?”

Thor ran down a list of possibilities. It didn’t even occur to him that he was, it just came automatically. He really did miss his friends.

“Just no coffee houses.”

\--

Thor was nervous when Sif picked a pie shop only a street over from Loki’s nameless little cafe. But to bring up Loki was the last thing he wanted. Despite everything, the fury, the drinking, Fandral bleeding on the pavement that night...with everything that had happened, Thor still liked seeing Sif. He hadn’t realized how much not seeing her and the rest of his friends had taken a toll on him.

“You haven’t called or asked about him. I was wondering if you died, to be honest,” she quirked a quick smile that faded far too soon. She was anxious with him.

She has every right, he thought.

“I got a job, actually,” he said into his coffee. Over the rim of his mug he saw her gape at him.

She smacked his arm as soon as he lowered the mug. Then she beamed. “Well, hell yeah, Thor. Good for you. Frigga must be happy.”

And when her smile didn’t drop or fade away into that subtle disappointment, Thor felt his chest swell with breath. He couldn’t help but smile with her. Like nothing had changed.

But everything had.

“How is he?”

Sif shrugged, sobering somewhat. “He’s healing. And he’s sure as shit not going anywhere near Ice again. Volstagg will bear hug him into the next life before that happens.”

“No more ties, either,” Thor mumbled into another sip of coffee. Sif looked away.

“Hogun and I went through the other day and just...cleaned his place out. Hogun’s going to stay with him a while, make sure he stays clean. You know.”

“A little. I, uh,” Thor leaned back in his seat. “I haven’t drunk since that night.”

“Oh?” Sif leaned forward.

“Never again if I can help it.” Then Thor shrugged and felt almost shy when Sif placed her hand over his and squeezed. She let it drop away and shifted to folding her arms.

“He wants to see you. I’m sure Coulson has called.”

“I know he’s not pressing charges.”

“You’re _friends_ —”

“I beat him half dead, Sif. It’s not exactly something I’d be building bridges over.”

Their food came then, and Sif sighed, watching him with eyes not entirely pleading, but not forgiving either. Thor always took that look in stride.

“Fandral’s released in two days. We’re going out for breakfast, then a movie or something. Will you come?”  
  
“Sif,” he said.

“Please?” And when he still didn’t answer, she said, “Someone has to trim that ugly moustache of his.”

She slapped his arm again, then again, laughing. He’d be lying if he said it didn’t make him laugh too. Sif always had her way of drawing happiness out of people. Especially if those people were piss poor unhappy fools.

But then again, she also had a way of crushing hearts, so who was to say she didn’t take it a day at a time too?

Because she’s happier than most, he thought. It stuck like tar within him.

“That bad?”

“He looks like Robin Hood. It has to go.”

“Maybe,” he said, smile stretching is face to aching. “Maybe.”

“Good,” Sif said, finally picking up her fork and poking at her food. “Very good.”

\--

“You better call me,” Sif told him once they were outside. She poked Thor in the chest and he smiled despite himself. It was refreshing. To feel joy for once. “I’m fucking serious you know.”

“I know, I know. I do still have your number,” he called as Sif turned and began walking away. She needed to catch a bus for an afternoon class.

She turned and looked back over her shoulder, grinning wickedly. “I’ll make sure to call and pester you before you get any other ideas.”

Thor’s smile cracked. And, just like that, he was alone again.

\--

At home, a new bottle of liquor sat on his dining table like a statue of reverence. Something to pray to.

Thor sat before it, hands folded under his chin, just staring at the thing. Wondering, calculating, what if, what if, what if...

Next door the neighbors were blasting dubstep that vibrated through his floor, up his legs. Outside he could hear a door opening and shutting, again and again. Punctuated only ever so often by the mumbling of the elderly.

Thor grabbed the bottle and with a roar threw it against the wall.

Glass shattered and wine red dripped down pale yellow, staining.

\--

In the morning, he rolled out of his own bed for once. He’d made it to his room before he finally passed out. Almost immediately his eyes went to his phone on the night stand. Out of habit because of Loki’s insane call hours.

It was almost six and he had two missed calls and a text message. No voicemail. All from Loki.

The text read, _Be here._

When Thor got out of the shower and had at least two slices of toast in his stomach, he went and grabbed his phone again. He had another text.

_Please_.

\--

When Thor came in, the bell on the door chiming his entry and drawing Loki’s attention from where he stood at the back of the room, Thor glanced and saw that Darcy hadn’t arrived yet. Loki stood in the back, eyes on Thor, arms folded and ankles crossed.

The lights were off and the chairs were still flipped up on the tables.

“It’s almost opening?” Thor called out, taking a chair and arranging it. He repeated it on the other side.

Loki just said his name, once, and waved him over.

Thor frowned and walked over. It was darker behind the counter, nestled between the trays of baked goods and the humming of the refrigerators in back. The only light came from the display case, which had nothing inside as of yet.

“You’re seriously skipping on work, again?”

Loki huffed. “Told Darcy to sleep in. We’ll open in a bit. Do lunch. Something like that.”

Loki shrugged and wouldn’t take his eyes from Thor. It unnerved him, so he took a leaning stance against the opposite counter from Loki, mirroring him.

“Why am I here, then?”

“So I can show you something.”

“More skinning?”

“Hardly. Come on, follow me.”

Really, in the end, the thing that convinced Thor to follow Loki back out of the shop was the fact the circles under his eyes were less pronounced. He looked like he actually slept for once.

So when Loki locked the door behind them and turned to the side alley and unlocked another door, Thor followed.

And when Loki started climbing the stairs to the flat Thor had seen above his shop, he knew he would continue to follow Loki.

No matter how damaged the path.

And when Loki led them into his tiny, dark little flat, cluttered with newspapers and stacks of banded money and _drugs_ , Thor knew the damage was equal parts intrigue and dangerous curiosity.

“I’m not a client at Ice, Thor.”

“Then what are you?” he asked.

Loki shrugged. “I’m a dealer.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Classes start again on Monday so here's hoping I get some insane writer's frenzy and just pump out twenty new chapters of Thorki in the next three days.
> 
> Also, next time there will be some Loki POV, because I write him all the time in one shots but hardly ever in multichap fics. A phenomenon I need to alter.
> 
> Also also, a major and intensive thank you to those of you who read this fic and like it. The response and enthusiasm it's received just floors me. <3

To my surprise and complete adoration, [unfairlymostfairly](http://unfairlymostfairly.tumblr.com/) has made a beautiful [graphic](http://unfairlymostfairly.tumblr.com/post/58211734844) to go along with the fic! You all should go look at it and fawn over it as I have done and will continue to do. ;u;

Also, I drew some stuff for my own fic, which I rarely do. So those things are [here](http://mrhiddles.tumblr.com/post/58129571195), [here](http://mrhiddles.tumblr.com/post/58314319790), and [here](http://mrhiddles.tumblr.com/post/58403838619).

\--

A shiver would be the first he remembered of that moment, looking back on it years from the day.

The moment, right then, Thor felt his legs lock and his fingers twitch. His skull throbbed where he raked eyes over everything he could in Loki’s tiny little flat. Trying to process everything.

Newspapers, stacks of magazines, books towered and stacked and spilling everywhere. Tucked into small corners beneath the low mattress on the far side of the room, under the couch directly before him, atop and dangerously leaning over the side of the coffee table in front of that. There was no kitchen, that was his cafe downstairs. And all of it was punctuated by empty cartons of cigarettes, the dark circular stains of coffee and empty mugs, the spray of white powder like a fine dust on the surface of the table, a disassembled syringe...

The only thing that would suggest Loki was anything other than an asshole who hung out in forests, wore too-tight pants, and maybe had a drug problem was the simple fact random bundles of money were on casual display throughout the room.

And there was a closed black case by what Thor guessed was originally his only bookcase.

Loki had not moved away from the doorway, though he had shut the door. When Thor didn’t look at him or say anything, he hummed.

“Have you ever seen someone die, Thor?”

No answer.

Thor felt his palms slide cold where he pressed his fingers into them, knuckles burning from the effort. He was sweating and felt like he was about to throw up. His vision began to blur but he tensed his jaw, straining against it.

“Do you know what happens when someone dies?”

Thor thought of his father, memories unbidden flashing through his head like clockwork. Thoughts he’d run ragged a long time ago. Memories he’d buried when he tipped the bottle back.

“I will tell you then,” Loki said. “A man once died. There had been blood. A lot of it. Knife so far up his gut they had to cut through the entire stomach and practically disembowel the guy to extract it.”

“Why?” Thor asked, hollow, even as another vague wash of nausea roiled his stomach. He didn’t really know what he was asking.

Finally, he turned and saw Loki just bringing a newly lit cigarette to his lips. Somewhere in the distance, out the window Thor had once spotted Loki through, sirens wailed.

“Money.” Loki puffed on his cigarette, the ashy haze quickly wafting through the room. He held Thor’s eyes like an unhealing wound. “It takes a special breed to kill, Thor. It takes a specific sort of mind to wield a knife instead of to simply hold one. A strange mind on the arm of an even stranger heart is required to want after someone’s life, to take it with their own two hands, and to be unfeeling about it. Strange even to feel accomplished. That at least, is warranted.” Another puff and the smoke coiled delicately about his face.

Thor let out a quiet breath and could not take his eyes off Loki. This man, who was once so unassuming and fantastical and different now held in his eyes the familiarity of brutality. Thor had never seen such raw dispassion reflected in the eyes of another. Reflected in the clean, smooth lines of his face rather than the force of his arms and the strength of his grip. Like Thor, not like Thor. Not at all and all at once.

He wanted to grab Loki’s neck and feel the tendons strain, the muscles of his shoulders tense and snap and pull, and he wondered what that pale skin looked like in the dark.

But instead he asked, “What happened to the one who killed the man?”

Loki shrugged. “Maybe he found God. Maybe he killed himself. Don’t know.”

Loki huffed out another languid curl of cloudy grey and Thor felt himself shaking his head.

“Why tell me this?”

Loki took the carton, his cigarette in the grip of two fingers, and smashed the butt of it against the side. He set it atop the bookshelf and took a step closer to Thor.

“Because you seem like you’re the kind of guy to have that sort of story. And you do, don’t you? Your friend, in the hospital because of you? And why? For what?”

“Loki—” Thor warned, confused at the turn in conversation before he was stumbling back. Loki had punched him. Pain bloomed hot and searing over his face. “What the fuck was that for?”

Loki held up his arms, fists readied. He grinned and Thor tasted blood.

He straightened and when Loki hit him again, this time in the chest, Thor gripped Loki’s arm and shoved him back. He fell back against his door but that grin never left his face.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Thor,” Loki huffed, pleased. “You are a fool. Think.”

When Loki headed for him again, Thor expected it. He gripped his wrist, his arm, twisting to halt him.

“What is this?” he demanded.

“Hit me!”

Thor shook him, unbelieving. Loki nearly growled at him.

Loki tilted his head. “What is it that made you so _soft_? Was it a woman? Tell me, what is it? Why do you always look so cowed when you obviously aren’t meant to be?” The smile waned a bit. “You seem like the kind of guy to get angry, to react. You don't. So what's the fucking deal?”

“I get angry, people get hurt,” Thor said, releasing Loki and throwing a hand out to the side, like it was the last thing he would say about it. But he went on, blood beginning to drip down his chin. That fury tingled nearly skin deep inside him and his voice grew with it, but he wouldn’t hurt Loki. He _wouldn’t_. “I'm not like that anymore. I--my friends get hurt—”

Loki bared his teeth, white against stark anger. Thor had no idea why he was doing this. “Oh, but we aren't friends are we, Thor?”

It wasn't a question. Thor knew Loki was right. They weren't anything but strangers.

Thor felt his eyes burn all the worse while he held Loki’s fury in his own. Two tangible cords you could strike with a blade and hear, loud and curious and frightening. It felt like his blood was singing, his skin rippling with shivers that came over him like wave after wave of lighter fluid and Loki was the match. Thor knew Loki wanted to be that match. And he knew then, what happened to the man.

Loki was right and Thor wondered what his skin would look like bloodied and ruined.

Thor set his jaw and surged forward, throwing Loki back against the door once more and covering his body with his own. He bent and bit at Loki’s neck and Loki cried out, hands tangling in Thor’s hair for all that it startled—or pleased—him.

“See, Thor? You’re thinking now. You know I’m right.”

Thor’s hand went to the other side of Loki’s neck and held it in place as he sucked bruises into the skin. “You’re the fool.”

“Am I?” Loki breathed, jerking his hips forward.

“Yes,” Thor husked into the skin of his throat. He bit down hard enough to hurt, and he could feel the skin between his teeth give just enough so he _knew_ it did. Loki didn’t bother covering the sound of pain and tugged at Thor’s hair viciously for it.

“I want your teeth on me, everywhere.”

“No.” Thor mouthed down to his collar bone and sucked another bruise, bright and red and wet. He straightened, palm smoothing over Loki’s pulse and pressing firmly.

Loki only watched him, sizing him up, what he would do. Thor pressed tighter, not really choking, but not letting him go anytime soon either.

“What is this?”

“We’re about to fuck. I thought you were the one who was so keen on pointing out the obvious.”

“Not what I meant,” Thor said.

Each moment that passed his heart calmed, slowing, steadier by the second. Loki was the picture of poise before him, flustered and red-cheeked but regal for all he was worth.

“You want to know about Ice, Thor? Now?” And his voice had gone quiet, considering Thor.

“Yes,” he mouthed. The threat was in the way he stood so close, the heat of their breath stifling and suffocating and _bitter_.

Loki rubbed a thumb over Thor’s scalp absently, letting his head fall back against the door with a quiet thud. The green of his eyes was muted, concealed in shadow, and his lips were red.

“No.” And he yanked Thor’s hair back, hard, a reply in itself.

Something came apart inside Thor.

He could feel the muscles in his jaw pulsing where he nearly ground his teeth as he took Loki and forced him around, stomach against the door. Loki braced himself there, smile evident and delight all too clear to Thor who was already yanking down Loki’s waistline and belt. His jeans gathered around pale thighs and Thor only bothered to shrug halfway out of his own pants before he was slicking two of his fingers with his own saliva.

Loki pressed back, arching his neck when Thor pressed in one finger to the last knuckle, not waiting.

“If this is how you want to do this, then fine. We’ll do it your way,” Thor snarled into Loki’s ear, then biting the lobe. Loki smelled of ash and sweat and something warm and cinnamon-like. It made his chest swell around the anger.

“You, I want _you_ , godammit,” Loki hissed into the grains of the door. He bore down on Thor’s hand and groaned when Thor did nothing more than add another finger. Loki hitched out a sound of what sounded like pain, looked like pleasure.

Thor mouthed at Loki’s cheek on some nameless urge, biting softly. Loki’s breath puffed warmth along his jaw. They stayed like that for a while, Loki’s shoulder blades working sharp lines against Thor’s chest as he worked his fingers faster, deeper. Loki made sounds he had no shame in letting out and every last one made Thor’s stomach roll, his blood pump hotter. Like heat jolting through his veins.

There was a rush of breath, then softly, “Thor.”

Thor couldn’t see Loki’s eyes, his lids heavy, sight having fallen to the floor. He removed his fingers and Loki let out another rush of breath. Thor steadied himself only just beginning to press in, but Loki moved his arm back to grip his waist tight. He snarled out something that sounded like _now_. Mouth on Loki’s neck, Thor buried himself.

Thor was moving before Loki could even stutter out the command. His fingers dug painfully into Thor’s side, urging him on, thighs coming apart so that he relied on Thor’s hand that came to snake up under his shirt, splayed wide over his stomach. Thor could feel the ripple of skin as the sounds left him, as he tensed and relaxed and it made Thor want to sink to his knees right there, have Loki in his lap and bouncing.

“Harder, deeper, hurt me, _Thor_ , _fuck_ —”

Thor spilled sounds of his own all down the length of Loki’s neck as Loki muttered curse and blessing one after the other in what seemed an endless string. Thor wrapped his arms around Loki, one around his waist, the other curving around his chest to hold his neck and Loki practically sobbed on the next thrust.

“Tighter, Thor, please, inside—finish inside me—”

Two more long pulls of flesh and he did.

Thor felt wet drip down his fingers where he held Loki’s neck, felt the sound of a choked moan roll its way from Loki’s throat.

Relief. It sounded like relief.

\--

If Thor held Loki’s face, feeling the damp skin under his eyes, for a brief moment before releasing him, Loki didn’t seem to notice. If he had, then he was smart enough not to bring it up.

Loki didn’t meet his eyes as he turned back around, pulling up his pants. Thor did the same, fingers numb and skin wet and damp in places that only now felt uncomfortable. There was a bathroom in the cafe, but Loki’s little flat was absent of one.

“We have to get ready for lunch,” Loki said finally, and he does drag those eyes to Thor’s, slow and fogged. His lips quirked in something Thor would dare to call an honest wariness. But he couldn't be sure.

Loki was uncertain and Thor liked that. A lot.

Thor nodded, the numbness now spread to his wrists, his fingers tingling. He wanted to drag his nails over Loki’s stomach, feel his chest swell with breath, his shoulders roll as he talks since he always uses his hands to do so. Thor could still smell that warm scent of Loki and he wants to bury his face in it, inhale deep until it’s all he knows.

But Loki was still leaning back against the door, pants pulled on but still undone and his shirt raked up to his stomach. His hair was a mess and there was a blush high on his cheeks. And Thor knows then,  that whatever it was in Loki’s gaze it’s honest and not malicious. He’s as curious about Thor as Thor is of him, and somehow that’s almost relieving.

His wrists tingled now and he waited for Loki to move from the door.

“What do you think of scones?”

“We’re going to talk about this. About Ice.”

Loki sighed. “It’s not that easy.”

“Like hell it is, but I’m still asking. I want an answer.”

“Why? Why does it matter so much?” Loki sounded tired all of the sudden, and the sound made Thor’s fingers twitch.

“Because it almost made Fandral kill himself.” The words leave Thor’s mouth before he can call them back and now that they’re out, he sets his jaw and waits.

Loki just watched him. Then said, “Your friend, you found him _in_ Ice, then?”

Yes, Thor thought. But he said, “I’m asking you the questions, not the other way around.”

Loki tilted his head. “It’s not your problem to deal with, Thor.”

“I made it my problem when I dragged him out of there.”

Loki knocked his head back against the door, and barked a laugh. “It concerned your friend. What did you do with the card?”

“I tore it up.”

“Then it doesn’t matter. You only ever get one. It’s a problem that no longer concerns either of you, so let it go.”

Thor dragged a hand through his hair, looping the loose strands behind an ear. “No. I—”

“You what, Thor?” Loki sighed out. “You’ll storm in and light the place on fire, burn it down? You’ll get a gun and wave it around while the _Big_ _Boss_ thinks about what he’s done? You’ll take a fucking Swiffer Jet and vacuum out all the coke you see snorted? Snap every needle you see? Really, Thor, exactly what is your plan because I am dying to know.”

Thor went silent. He's silent because he doesn’t know what he’d do. He felt sick with the realization and Loki and all his mirth seem happy about it.

But Thor was sure of a few things.

Like he was sure that those who attended his father's funeral were less than honest and that Frigga, for all her kindness, knew every last inch of business Odin dealt. He was sure of how he'd been too broken and eccentric and _dimmed_ for Jane when she left him. Like how he was sure of the liquid that drained down his throat in sour, burning bursts that left his head light and his limbs heavy.

Like how he was certain of Fandral's near attempted-suicide-turned-almost-homicide at Thor's hands, and how Loki, after everything, was one of the dealer's who had handled the drugs dealt to Fandral in the first place.

Honestly, Thor wasn't even surprised anymore. He was a fool to think this had ever been a good thing. Something to hope for. Too good, far too good for him. Too good to be real.

The fact his cock still felt warm and damp inside his pants and that the smell of warm ash tinted cinnamon still clung to his skin was only another notch among many others of the many wrong turns his life had taken.

He bent behind him and grabbed a random wad of money, the empty syringe and swiped two fingers through the white powder he found beneath it all. Loki watched him carefully now, straightening. He surprised Thor by walking toward him.

“Give me that, you don’t need it.” And he held out a hand as if to drive the point.

But Thor simply flicked the dust at him. Loki frowned, hand still outstretched. His eyes were on the syringe, fixed.

“You’re that fucking hooked you can’t even stand the sight of this in another person’s hands?” Thor chided. He took the syringe and snapped it by cracking it against the table. As soon as it bounced to the floor, harmless, Loki fixed his stare on Thor.

Loki’s eyes were narrowed and he was angry, Thor could see it. As a last measure, Thor snapped the band around the money and tossed it at Loki’s chest, the bills fluttering to the floor.

“That was ten grand you just sent everywhere,” Loki said as Thor took a step past him. The door was free now.

“Ten grand for you to spend on a new needle.”

Thor heard a sigh behind him, and then the rush of fingers through hair and the sound of Loki’s voice. “Where are you going, we still need to open.”

“I quit.”

Before the door shut, he heard Loki mutter, “Fucking perfect.”


	5. Chapter 5

The first thing Loki did after he saw Thor had turned the corner, because he was able to watch Thor for a good two minutes before he rounded that building across the street, was take up the needle Thor had snapped off.

Loki was glad Thor had not accidentally pricked his skin with the thing.

Loki tossed it in the trash with the others and then sat on his couch. Another day of work, cancelled.

“Scones. Really.”

\--

The first thing Thor did when he got home and shut the door behind him was strip off his clothes and walk naked into the shower. He cranked the water until it was scalding, and he just sat in the tub and willed himself to burn.

The heat chased Loki’s scent away for an hour and a half and then the water ran cold.

\--

Loki leaned forward and snorted three lines.

He knew he was pushing it, but he had a roll of paper towels handy if he started bleeding again.

\--

Thor held an empty glass, tall and thick and clear. He knew it would take only a minute to fill it with whiskey, with beer, with _anything_.

But he only sat on his living room floor and cradled the glass, passing it from hand to hand as he flipped channels.

His stomach rumbled and the first thing that came to mind was scones, and he blurted a loud curse at Loki before willing the thought away. He ignored his hunger.

It was almost noon.

\--

It was one in the afternoon and Loki had twelve unanswered texts, fourteen missed calls, and as many voicemails. Business. The real one.

His head lolled back and he could feel the sweet burn tumble from his nostrils to his brain, radiating through his eye sockets. He knew what it was, really, but this, now, felt like candy. Burning, tasteful candy.

Darcy called around four and he answered, powder swiped thick down his front and a paper towel stained red stuffed up one nostril.

“Hey, boss. Are we actually going to have work tomorrow, or?”

“Yeah,” he said.

Then Darcy hummed and hung up and he almost called Thor.

Almost. Very nearly.

“Thor,” he murmured into the silence.

\--

Thor scowled at his wall.

His neighbors were blasting rap.

Thor was tempted to throw the still empty glass, but he didn’t want to clean up more shards.

\--

“We need the case by Friday, Laufeyson.”

The phone shook in Loki’s hands as he typed his response.

“Sure.”

A moment later and his screen read, “You’re a funny guy. Haste is virtue. Be quick.”

“Who the fuck says _haste is virtue_?” Loki voiced against the silence.

He tossed his phone onto his bed and stretched out on the couch, one leg strewn up over the top of it.

\--

Thor told himself it was better to quit with dignity than fall so much farther into what he knew was a bad place to be.

He’d made his share of mistakes, but he knew when to step away from some.

And though he still felt the shadow of Loki’s pulse beat tight through his arms, his fingers, he knew it was for the best.

Loki had enough money to buy entire houses. He never needed Thor to help him make back the money he’d lost. Which probably hadn’t even been that much in the first place. He was a drug dealer, and though he didn’t _know_ , he suspected Loki used a good portion of what was stashed around his flat.

Loki was a liar, and so Thor knew he made the right decision.

Frigga would be disappointed.

He didn’t even want to imagine Sif’s face when he told her. If he did. If he even went tomorrow. He didn’t want to see them all again, so soon, he wouldn’t—

He’d done this dance before.

Only now the ghost of Loki’s shoulders rolled sharp along the front of his chest, gliding lured warmth over his heart.

\--

Thor knew he did the right thing.

But he still wondered why Loki went through the trouble of convincing him to work there.

\--

Sif called twice. On the third call, Thor set his phone to silent. He felt bad about skipping her calls because he knew Fandral would be released from the hospital tomorrow. There was something small inside him, fleeting, that wanted to hug his friends and make sure Fandral was okay. That he having dropped those charges meant something. That some peace had been made.

But Thor was only so giving when tired and stressed and had a certain coffee shop drug dealer lurking in his thoughts, tainting that hoped for peace with something bitter and hopeless.

He watched a movie and fell asleep with his shirt halfway up his chest. He sat up, blinking drearily, confused until he focused in on what had woken him.

The man next door was shutting his door again and again, mumbling. And from between his legs was a blinking light he was confused about until he remembered. His phone was still silent.

He picked it up without pausing to consider what name was on the screen.

There was silence, a deep breath and a low, stilted laugh, then Thor knew.

“Thor?”

“No,” Thor said and hung up.

He shut off his phone and went back to sleep.

He dreamt of Loki.

\--

Sif kept calling and he kept ignoring her.

Thor was in the kitchen making toast and considering going back to sleep when his doorbell rang, followed by a single knock. Glancing at his phone, he managed three hours before Sif finally decided to take his avoidance into her own hands.

He didn’t care that he was in his briefs when he pulled the door open. “I can’t talk right now, Sif—”

Thor stopped himself short, suddenly very aware of how he was dressed. Before him stood not only Sif, but Loki. Loki turned his head, his mouth hanging on a word like they’d been talking.

Sif gave him a look, the one he always took for as knowing something she shouldn’t. He glared at both of them, too tired and too done with the day to bother with pretense.

“Thor, I didn’t know you were expecting company. I had _called.._.” She trailed off and flicked a glance at the back of Loki’s head. Thor ignored the way Loki didn’t take his eyes off him.

“I’ll call you about tomorrow, okay? Just...I’m busy.”

“It’s alright, really. I just was talking to...?”

“Loki. I’m Thor’s boss,” Loki stated simply, and Thor finally met his stare.

He was smirking and for all the shock he felt at Loki _insisting_ his employment, he could not help but notice how dark the circles around Loki’s eyes were. He was nearly bone-white and Thor could see the thin blue veins stretched over his eyelids and over his temple.

Loki looked sick.

Thor dragged his gaze away from Loki’s, noticing how Loki’s own fell to somewhere on his chest, before turning back to Sif. Her eyebrows were raised and she pursed her lips.

“I’ll talk to you later, then,” she said, turning.

Thor watched her round the corner and head down the stairs, then reached to pull Loki inside. Loki had neared Thor during the time Sif had been walking away and nearly slumped against Thor as he grabbed his shirt.

“I’ve missed you,” he murmured into Thor’s collarbone.

Thor felt his heart beat faster but shut the door behind them anyway.

\--

Thor felt Loki’s pulse beat double, skipping here and there, and he was cold, and sweating. He was ill.

Loki collapsed onto Thor’s couch and almost immediately brought the blanket up and held it to his chest. Like a child discovering something new. He wouldn’t look up at Thor.

“What the fuck was that?” Thor demanded. He meant telling Sif he was still Thor’s boss, but Loki seemed out of it enough to not even register his words.

But then, “You’re not seriously quitting, are you?”

“You can pay your own damn rent. You never needed me. I probably didn’t cost you a dime.”

Loki did look at him then, a quick, angry glance. But then the fire was gone and his head rolled back on the cushion. He chuckled. “I know a lost cause when I see one. I should have just kicked you out. Really.”

“And you didn’t,” Thor said, standing in front of him. Loki was staring at the ceiling.

“Why do you have a stain on your wall? Over there.” Thor didn’t need to look to know what stain Loki referred to.

“Wine.”

Very slowly, Loki straightened, looking at him. Then, quietly, “You’re drinking again?”

“No,” barked out Thor. Loki didn’t know he was staying sober in the first place.

Loki smiled.

“Good. I’ll need you sober...”

Thor knew it was coming. He knew Loki was sick, that something had to happen to bring that point to light. He _knew_ , and still he wasn’t ready for it.

Loki’s eyes rolled back and he sagged against the couch, fingers limp in the blanket he had wrapped himself up in. Blood dripped slow from both nostrils, a steady stream, and Thor was rooted to the floor.

“Loki,” he tried. Then he knelt, the fear bubbling inside him beside the anger. “Loki?” It grew until it overcame the fury and gripped his heart in cold fingers and squeezed, panic fast. “Loki? Loki!”

Loki didn’t move when Thor took his shoulders and shook him. Loki’s head rolled forward when he tried again, blood dripping faster, and so Thor moved his hands to Loki’s face. He held Loki’s jaw, his thumbs pressed tight to Loki’s temples. He lifted an eyelid with a thumb and saw dull green rolled upwards.

Loki’s skin felt like paper despite the sweating and he could feel Loki start to tremble. He didn’t know what to do, he had no idea.

“Please, please—” he begged, with no real reasoning. Thor settled Loki back where he’d been and went to grab towels and water and his phone.

He came back to see Loki’s lids twitching. He was muttering. Thor felt a jumble of words leave his throat at the sight, and he felt his chest pound.

Eventually, Thor managed to maneuver Loki to lean back against his chest on the couch, holding him as he shook and pressing a towel tight to his nose. He was still bleeding, and Loki—

Loki was still sick. It felt like he was dying, the way he trembled.

And he’d come to Thor.

He could have called an ambulance. He could have stayed at his flat and gone through this alone. Thor should have called an ambulance himself.

But Loki had come to Thor and so Thor held him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be longer!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had such writer's block lately, so this is a little short. Usually when this happens, I spend a day watching movies and crying over emotions and then inspiration hits, so soon. Longer chapters will be had!

Thor thought Loki was dying. He was afraid to move him, so all he could do was wait.

Loki still shook where Thor leaned him against his chest, breathing hitched and short. Little moans poured out of Loki and in them was pain. It made Thor flinch to hear them. He continued to shake, arms and fingers twitching and he knew if he only angled his head to see Loki’s face, he’d see his eyes fluttering.

Thor felt fear settle cold inside him, a deep, solid weight that had him focused only on Loki, shaking in his arms. He held him loosely, he wanted it to be over. He wanted Loki to stop _dying_.

Thor dabbed at Loki’s nose, eventually holding the towel there and rotating it again and again, the blood having soaked through almost the entire thing, nearly fully red. It was letting up, but there was just so _much_. He felt useless.

And then Loki went limp, a soft sigh escaping him. Thor felt him deflate, as if the life had simply drained from him and he almost bolted to standing, wanting to wrench Loki up with him. Shake him awake. Refuse this suddenly immensely terrible thing. But he stayed where he was, frozen, hoping.

“No, no—” Thor murmured against his hair, his fingers searching his neck for a pulse.

But it wasn’t needed. He felt warm, soft, slow breath fan his palm. Loki had passed out.

Thor let out a shaky breath and buried his face in the familiar scent of Loki’s hair.

\--

Loki woke, groggy and disoriented, fingers twitching against Thor’s forearm where it rested against his chest. He coughed, groaning when he tried to sit up but was held back by Thor.

“Who...?” he started, then tensed when he realized where he was. His fingers wandered over Thor’s forearm, feeling the hair and the veins ripple and then he said, “Let me up, fool.”

“I think you had a seizure, Loki.”

Loki paused, stilling enough for Thor to lean forward and help him steady. Loki angled his head halfway that Thor could see he was looking at the floor. Thor had dropped the bloody rag there, dried and browning.

“You didn’t call the police?” And his voice was tired, defensive.

“No! Why would I—”

Loki let out a shaky breath and raised a hand to his forehead, rubbing at the skin before dropping his hand to Thor’s. He leaned back and closed his eyes, so Thor relented enough to sit back into the cushions. Loki touched fingers to his lips, his nose, feeling for blood. Thor grabbed the towel for him.

“Loki, I need to take you to the hospital. You could have died.”

“I didn’t though,” Loki said, shifting the towel to his face. Then he brought his legs up and promptly settled himself into the couch, relaxing against Thor’s chest. Thor could feel his unsteady breath leave him through the vibrations of his chest, and he didn’t like it. He could feel Loki’s pulse racing through his skin. “Just let me rest a while,” Loki muttered.

“At least have some water.”

“I’m not a child, Thor. And neither are you my mother. What do you care anyway?” There was a lengthy pause and Thor chewed his tongue. He couldn’t keep from pressing his nose to Loki’s neck. He felt Loki sigh, then murmur a noncommittal sound and he squeezed Thor’s wrist. “If you so much as move right now, I’ll fire you.”

“I quit, remember,” Thor said against his neck.

Loki sighed. “Still on that, then?”

Thor felt a renewed, weaker rush of anger fuel a response, but before he could muster the words, Loki had brought his arm up around his chest. Thor allowed it and held him.

“Please,” Loki breathed. It was a plea.

Thor wanted to say no, to put a stop to this. There was still a part of him that wanted that. But somehow Loki had become his responsibility as much as he was Loki’s. Thor had owed Loki a debt since the moment he passed out in his little nameless cafe. He didn’t feel it was repaid.

Loki never needed Thor to pay him back. But Thor still felt like he needed to, somehow.

An empty debt, unfilled.

Thor almost brought the subject to light until he realized Loki had gone quiet in his hold.

Loki had already fallen asleep.

\--

Loki woke up to Thor’s arm around his shoulders. He was lying on his stomach, face pressed to Thor’s neck. He leaned back some and was met with two watchful eyes before Thor leaned forward and kissed him.

When he pulled back, Loki just stared at him.

“Will you have some water now?”

When Loki did nothing, instead focusing on the way Thor had begun rubbing his back, Thor kissed him again.

Loki cupped Thor’s stubbly cheek and raked a thumb over the edge, once, and allowed it when Thor kissed his temple.

“Come on,” Thor said softly.

Thor sat them up and Loki shifted to let him stand. Thor headed for his kitchen and Loki could hear him rummaging for a glass.

The sink started running and Loki let his head fall back against the couch, thoughts quiet.

\--

Thor handed him a glass of water and sat back down only when he raised the glass to his lips. He felt his skin prickle under Thor’s scrutiny. It was unnerving.

“Back to being the gentle giant?” Loki muttered, taking another sip.

Thor huffed a laugh and leaned back against the arm of the couch. He nudged Loki with his knee. “You had a seizure. I should have dragged you to the hospital.”

“It’s nothing I haven’t been through before.”

Thor’s frown then made his stomach roll and he turned away, staring at the stained wall off to the side. He was still curious as to what happened. He could always find out later. Bringing it up now would only serve to unsettle his stomach, rack his head. Loki felt lightheaded as it was.

“Loki! Why didn’t you call an ambulance?”

Loki shrugged. “I’ve handled them before.”

“You came here.”

Loki cradled the glass in his hands, half empty. “I wanted to see you about your job. You weren’t answering your phone.”

“You _walked_.”

Loki scoffed as he raised the glass to his lips, draining the rest of it. Thor was an ever immovable presence beside him and Loki half thought his idea to come here not such a clever one after all.

“Your place is cozier.”

“Jesus, Loki...hey, what are you doing?” Thor asked as Loki stood, setting the glass on the table.

Loki turned and regarded Thor. He was shirtless still, sitting in his boxers, legs spread wide where he sat. His palms were turned upward and he was almost glaring with the intensity he held Loki eyes with.

Thor looked genuinely concerned. Loki didn’t understand it.

“You’re quitting, right?” he asked then, looking at the floor as Thor rose to standing himself, coming to stand in front of Loki. Thor’s arms hung at his sides, fingers splayed out like he was going to reach for him.

Loki stepped away and Thor stepped closer.

“Why did you hire me in the first place? You have enough money to last for decades in that flat of yours.”

“It’s not mine to use,” Loki told him, slowly.

He did seem surprised at that. Loki felt his head throb anew.

Thor said, “Why? Why hire me, why keep money that isn’t even yours? What do you even do with it all?”

“I don’t do anything with it. I—I deliver it.” Loki reached a hand to his forehead, rubbing to rid himself of the headache he felt breaching his skull. “I run things. You know.” He waved a hand but shut his eyes, not wanting to explain anything. “I can’t go back anyway, it doesn’t matter.”

“What?”

Shit. Loki opened his eyes and met Thor’s incredulous stare. Open, shocked, innocent. All that fury gone from his face and Loki wondered at it.

“I run two businesses. That you gathered, I assume?” Thor closed his open mouth and Loki took that as a yes. “I clean what I can through the cafe, then channel it back through Ice. It’s not my money. Not my drugs. Nothing.”

Thor gave him a flat stare. “You just overdosed into a seizure, and you’re telling me you weren’t using those drugs I saw covering your flat?”

Loki huffed, pinching the skin of his forehead. “Okay, some of it’s mine.”

“Loki.”

“What? You think you’re worse off than anyone else? A little alcoholism versus drug empire? Really, Thor, which is worse?”

Loki felt his ears burn, knowing he was repeating his words from that first day. He could see it in Thor’s face that he realized it too. That it wasn’t something either of them had forgotten.

“What even is this? You catering to me? Like it matters all of a sudden. I took you in because I was bored. I needed a little extra clientele and you looked like you could do that. I was right.”

The headache spread so his entire head felt like it would tilt. Thor stepped closer, eyes searching his face and Loki didn’t know _why_.

“Loki, you’re—”

“A what, Thor? Am I a fool for thinking I could trust you, in what, a couple of weeks? That maybe,” his vision began to swim. “you were as fucked up as me?”

Loki felt his world tip, felt Thor’s hands grounding weights at his sides. There was a burning radiating through his temple, down through his nostrils and he smelled copper.

“I can’t go home, Thor. I can’t—” He swallowed. “They’ll find...”

Thor made some inane shushing sound and Loki would have barked at him to be quiet, to shut up, _anything_ , but his eyes kept shutting. His balance shifted and he would have stumbled if Thor had not had hold of him.

“Couch.”

“Bed,” Thor admonished, leading him carefully down the hall.

\--

It was a blur of movement and blond hair before Loki felt the cool sheer slide of fabric meeting his cheek. He rubbed his face into the pillow and inhaled deeply. Everything smelled so _Thor_ , it was intoxicating. He hated that it was intoxicating.

Thor vanished then and he dozed, head throbbing, mind quiet. Then Thor was back, setting down a new glass of water on the bedside table. Loki opened his eyes only enough to see Thor standing there, looking dumb and confused and oh, his room smelled of him so much and—

“Here.” Loki tugged at his wrist, eyes slipping closed. He felt the bed dip a moment later, after a long pause and a weary sigh.

A hand touched his hip. “Are you going to be okay, Loki?”

He nodded weakly. “Rest. Let me rest.”

Loki took hold of Thor’s hand and guided it around his middle. Thor pressed close along his back and held him to his chest.

Loki would be a talented liar indeed if he told himself it was not comforting.

Perhaps he knew a little bit of why he had come here instead of the forest, of Ice, of a hospital.

He came here because of Thor.


	7. Chapter 7

Loki woke to Thor’s thumb rubbing smooth circles over his stomach. He settled more fully into his arms, and Thor stilled.

“You’re quiet again. Chase you back into your shell, have I?” Loki murmured to the air.

Thor’s breath shuffled hot against his neck. Then, a moment later, “Don’t you get tired of being so angry all the time? Of hating people? Do you even know what it’s like, Loki? To be _so_ angry you almost kill someone...”

The words were quiet, dark. Loki could imagine them almost being swallowed by the room, silent as it was. He kept his breathing steady even when Thor shifted to settle his face against his neck. The heat of Thor’s breath burned his skin even through the shirt he wore, but he didn’t move away.

There was an answer on his tongue. Something like _yes_. Something like, he knew what it was like to want to kill someone. To drown them until they weren’t anything at all. Erase someone until nothing remained.

His father.

Thor pressed his lips to Loki’s neck and Loki felt a shaky breath ease its way from his lungs. Thor was crying.

Thor didn’t say anything else and eventually Loki drifted back to sleep, not able to find an answer.

\--

When he woke up his headache was gone and the coppery scent no longer clogged the back of his throat. Loki sat up in Thor’s bed, taking stock of the state of his stomach. He wasn’t dizzy either, and he counted it as a good thing. Sometimes these things carried with him for days, the residual affects clinging to him like something terminal. Some ashy and webbed he had to sift through.

Loki tried to remember how much coke he’d inhaled but couldn’t remember.

He realized then the lack of breathing beside him. Turning, he saw Thor wasn’t in bed.

Standing, he walked to the threshold of Thor’s doorway, pausing as he adjusted to the dim light filtering through the blinds. Sounds reached him and he knew it was raining outside. Somewhere down the hall he could hear Thor, shuffling around in what he guessed was the bathroom.

Loki stepped back into the room and looked around. Thor was messy, and at the same time, quite neat. He had a tidy bundle of laundry in the corner and his closet was a single rack of a few shirts and jackets. There were a couple of pairs of shoes kicked into the corner of the floor. Loki fingered through the shirts, careful not to make too much noise as he pulled at the cuffs and smelled the hem of more than one shirt.

Everything smelled like Thor and he found it more than pleasing.

Loki hooked his hands under his own shirt and tugged it off, dropping it without caring before he went and chose a baggy black shirt of Thor’s. It was loose on his chest and waist and cold from sitting in the sparse closet. Something he’d seen Thor wear quite a bit.

Loki was half tempted to go through his dresser, spy at his underwear, find what sort of lube he liked to use, but then he heard footsteps and the mischief dropped from his mind.

Thor came in and his eyes went wider at seeing Loki standing there, up and about. He gripped his phone, screen bright in one hand.

He ran a hand through his hair, catching on a tangle before he dropped it a little awkwardly at his side.

“I had to call Sif, um, the woman you met yesterday.”

“I remember her,” Loki said.

“Had a meeting with her today, I guess.” Loki hated the way Thor looked to the floor, like he didn’t even know what to say. “Rescheduled.” Thor placed his phone on his dresser and stepped forward.

Loki watched the hesitancy flit across Thor’s frame like wildfire, rippling over him in the way his fingers twitched as he raised his arms. He took another step and held Loki’s face in his hands.

“Okay?”

“Yes, you fretting old goose.”

That drew a smile out of Thor and Loki felt his thumb pass smooth over his cheek. “You aren’t hurt anywhere, you don’t feel dizzy?” Loki rolled his eyes. “You’re in my apartment, by the way.”

Loki reached up to pull one of Thor’s hands down from his face. The other moved to his neck. “I know where I am, you dolt. Google all that, did you?”

Thor frowned. “Yes.”

“I’m fine, Thor.”

“Loki?” he tried again when Loki closed his eyes. He felt so tired.

Loki squeezed Thor’s hand and then moved out of his grasp. He looked deflated until Loki passed him, saying, “I’m fucking hungry though.”

Loki turned to regard Thor when he noticed he wasn’t following. “What do you have to eat?”

\--

It had to happen eventually. Loki was surprised it hadn’t happened sooner.

Thor had been distracted all throughout their breakfast; Thor had made them toast, corn beef hash and poached eggs with too much pepper, but Loki ate it all anyway. He stole Thor’s toast too.

The distraction ended when he finally blurted, “Who’s coming after you?”

“Ice.”

“ _What_?”

Loki shrugged, biting into his toast. Thor was watching him, head shaking, disbelieving.

“I owe them new business and it’s been slow.”

“What, like new clients?”

Loki smirked and it seemed all the answer Thor needed.

“You said you can’t you go back. To Ice or your flat or the cafe...? Why?”

“My flat mostly. Darcy opened today and she knows that when I don’t show up even after I give her the go ahead, that she should just open until the following Sunday. She has a few days. I need to get a case I left behind.”

“What’s in it?”

Loki marveled at how Thor was hanging on his every word. “You were so set against this only a day ago. What changed? Really?”

Thor took his bottom lip into his mouth and worried at it. Loki couldn’t look away from his face.

“You, coming here.”

“What?”

Thor shook his head, looking at the floor. “I thought you were dying, Loki. I don’t want you to die.”

Loki sat there, silent and still. He realized then, Thor was his. _His_.

Thor raised his eyes to Loki’s and Loki felt like crying. Ridiculous.

“And something tells me Ice could kill you.”

Loki let out a choked laugh. It was short and rough and Thor looked startled to hear it simply burst out of his just then. Loki felt his lungs burn.

“You’re right, Thor. You’re so right.”

Loki thought of Thrym, and he felt his gut coil.

“You said you needed me.”

Loki leveled him a contented stare, a weak smile playing at his mouth. He felt like he was shaking.

“I do.”

\--

“What’s your plan of action?” Thor asked him.

Loki stood in front of Thor’s cabinets, watching him reach to put the dishes away. He regarded Thor.

“I would say skip town, but that is both cliché and boring.”

“Boring?” Thor’s lips tilted in amusement.

“I’ll stay here for a while. They don’t know about you.”

Thor placed a hand at his waist. “No.”

Loki shook his head, a brow raising. “Yes.”

“We’re going to go to your flat and get your stuff. Then you can stay here.”

“You are either ice or coal, Thor.”

Thor raised a hand to grasp his neck, and Loki was struck by the notion. Something swept low and warm through his belly and it made him lean into the touch.

“We’ll be fine.”

“Say that again when I tell you the next logical step in your line of action.”

“And what logical step would that be?”

“You go to Ice. With me. Be my bodyguard.”

Thor squeezed his neck, brought his thumb to just below his ear. He looked startled. “Loki, I...”

“Exactly,” Loki said, and shrugged out his hold. He stepped around Thor, intending to head to his shower. He smelled like blood and he was still stained with it. “It’s a ludicrous plan.”

“No, it’s not.”

That made Loki turn back around. Thor licked his lips, eyes wide and brighter than Loki had seen them.

“What do you plan to do with Ice? If they’re after you?”

“They expect me to make delivery to them. Soon. I need that case in my flat and they’re sure to have eyes on it.”

“So? We go and get it, say hi to Darcy, leave again.”

“You’re bullheaded, Thor. They’ll see you, know your face.”

“And what do you care if they know who I am? You’re the one who said we weren’t even friends.”

Loki bit his tongue.

“You were right.”

“You’re still willing to walk into a mob house, for a stranger? I’d say that’s made us more than just friends.”

“Having sex against your door was just a side effect?” Thor threw back.

Loki glared at Thor but Thor looked like he was amused. Having fun.

“Cruel, Thor.”

“I learned from the best.”

“Fuck you.”

Thor walked to him and took his shoulders in hand. He was smiling softly. Loki wanted to shove him against the door, have him on his knees. Something to wipe the look off his face.

“You’re an asshole, but I like you enough to not want you to die. That is why I am going to help you.”

“More like you like my—”

Loki found his face held in Thor’s hands and he found he was quickly growing used to the feeling. The frown he gave then felt almost comical.

“Loki, I’m serious. We’re going to go to your flat. Then we are going to get whatever it is you owe them. Then we’ll take it from there.”

Loki’s hands had risen to cover Thor’s own and he felt his eyes burn. He still felt slightly woozy.

“This is bigger than me.”

“I knew that when I had Fandral’s card in my hand.”

Loki nodded, numb. Thoughts whirring about how they would be received. He hadn’t seen Thrym in weeks.

“But first, you need a shower.”

Loki did shove him then and Thor was chuckling.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a poster print of the cover I did a while back for this fic. You can buy it [here](http://mrhiddles.storenvy.com/products/3470726-fall-a-little-harder-12x18)!

Sif’s voice was a crackle over the public line. She was calling from her campus, before her night class.

“I guess I can’t really fault you on it. He did show up looking almost dead.”

Thor cleared his throat as quietly as he could. “I’m sorry again. I didn’t think he’d drop by. I didn’t think I’d see him ever—”

“Who is he?”

Thor went quiet and listened to the way the static popped, the way Sif’s breath was barely distinguishable above the noise.

“He’s my boss.”

“I know that. But really, who is he? He looked as bad as Fandral had.”

Thor shook his head slowly, temple throbbing. Loki had already gone to bed after a shower. Thor had waited outside on a chair, listening so if Loki fell he’d know. Loki had kissed him before going and burying himself in Thor’s covers, making sure every pillow was surrounding his head.

Thor wanted to join him, he was so tired. But he knew he’d left Sif without adequate reason as to why he didn’t go today and so he felt it only right that he called her.

But Sif was smart and he’d nearly forgotten that.

He works at Ice, Thor wanted to say. But he said, “Sif, please. I’m working some things out.”

Another long pull of static.

“Fandral asked where you were today. I told him you were busy with your new job.”

“I really didn’t anticipate this happening. I do want to try…I want to change things. I miss you all,” Thor’s voice faded and he could hear it peter off, like the quietest thing. It made his throat go thick.

“He wasn’t angry. Promise. We miss you, Thor. We just want the old gang back, you know?”

Thor nodded to the air, his phone heavy in his fingers. “I know, Sif. I know.” He ran a hand through his hair, thinking of how Loki was asleep only a room away from him. “It won’t be too much longer I think. I’m not going to work here forever.”

“Oh, Thor…” Thor could hear in her voice the edge of concern. He knew Sif was as aware of his situation as anyone.

“It’s like you said. You had my boss pegged from the start, didn’t you?” The laugh he offered was gruff and Sif let out a low breath that steadied the crackle of static for a dragging moment.

“Is it bad, Thor?”

He thought of the excuses he could give, sitting ready on his tongue like succulent little pieces of avoidance. But he was tired of lying. Tired of avoiding and evading and ignoring his life.

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s bad I think.”

Sif was quiet for a long time. So long that Thor began to think the line was dead, save for the curl and ripple of static popping. There was a car honking somewhere in the background and it stirred Sif to speaking.

“Be safe. For me. For all of us.”

“I will. Trust me, after all this is over I owe you all a long talk. A movie. A week of hiking, anything. Anything.” And he hated how his voice caught short on the way past his lips.

“Thor,” she said. And he could almost hear the smile in her voice. “You’re still ours you know. A couple drinks and a bad night can’t erase that.”

\--

Loki’s hand found Thor’s wrist as he slid into bed behind him. The touch encouraged Thor forward to press his chest to Loki’s shoulders, remembering how they rolled sharp beneath his pale skin.

Thor buried the feverish memory and focused on his breathing.

“You have good friends,” Loki said. Thor let out a small sigh despite not knowing how Loki knew he was on the phone to Sif. People Loki didn’t know.

“Yeah.”

“They still care about you. That must be nice.”

Thor didn’t know what to say to that so he kept quiet. Loki spared him a pillow and moved back so that he was pressed tight to Thor’s front. Thor wrapped his arm around Loki’s middle and smoothed a thumb over his stomach, beneath the loose shirt he wore. Thor knew it was his as soon as he saw Loki wander out with it that morning, and it warmed something in him to smiling. 

He didn’t know who Loki’s friends are. He’d never seen him hang around anyone else besides Darcy, and even then it seemed her default was to be cheery and sardonic. A witty friend to anyone who would listen.

Thor didn’t know what made Loki so angry he felt he needed to hide it from the world. But he had a feeling it centered around Ice.

Thor pressed a soft kiss to the back of Loki’s neck and murmured, “I care about you.”

Loki let out a gentle laugh and they drifted to sleep.

\--

The morning brought dull light filtered through the window to spill over the long line of Loki rolled onto his side to press belly to belly against Thor. Thor felt warm lips meet his and the sleep drained from him when Loki’s hands wandered underneath his shirt to crawl up his sides. His fingers were cold and it made Thor lean into the warmth of Loki’s neck, his chest, his pelvis. They moved together in a lazy rhythm until it had them breathing harsh against each other’s skin.

Loki pushed up Thor’s shirt and leaned back enough to kiss down his chest. Thor rolled onto his back and tried to keep his breath steady as Loki sucked at a nipple and then _bit_. It earned Loki a groan and a languid roll of Thor’s hips. Loki continued teething his way down to Thor’s pants and pulled them down enough to grasp the heated flesh bobbing in front of his face.

“Loki,” he breathed, meeting Loki’s eyes.

“Alright,” he said, then sat up and pushed his own pants down.

Loki leaned forward and caught Thor’s lower lip between his and sucked as he wrapped firm fingers around both of them, Loki’s cock a heated, heavy thing against his. Thor’s head fell back and Loki began sucking gentle almost-bruises against his throat. Loki hooked a thigh under Thor’s and drove down hard and it had Thor wrapping strong arms around Loki. He held him tight as they worked their hips together, sounds leaving their throats in breathy waves.

Loki’s lips reach his just as Thor felt warmth surge through him, splashing up against Loki’s stomach and gliding against his own. Loki’s voice was a quiet chant of Thor’s name, eyes shut and voice wrecked.

He wasn’t going to let Loki go.

\--

“How are you feeling?” Thor asked sometime later. Loki’s fingers played with each other, a frenetic beat hovering above his stomach.

“I have a headache, but those usually leave within the week.”

Thor hummed and palmed at Loki’s thigh. “You should rest.”

“Oh, but don’t we have an errand to run?”

Thor laughed softly. “We do. But you’re still recovering from a seizure.”

“I’ve had them before, Thor.” Loki’s thighs spread just the tiniest bit while his fingers continued flittering against each other.

“I don’t want you to have any more,” Thor said. Loki finally raised his eyes to Thor’s and gave him a pointed look. “Please, Loki.”

“I said I need _you_ sober, Thor, not me.”

He spanned the curve of Loki’s pelvis and the dusting of hair and down, lower, until he found his goal. Thor cupped Loki’s soft flesh in his palm, watching how Loki’s breath caught for a moment before rushing out again slowly. He cradled the plump, cool skin there and moved to stroke gently at Loki’s cock through slow pulls and tugs. Loki smirked at his ministrations, even as he closed his eyes and released a hand to wind through Thor’s hair and pull him close. Thor buried his face against his neck to lick and bite at a spot above the jut of his clavicle.

Thor wanted to be slow, caring, gentle, where before he’d shoved Loki hard against his own door and spread him wide on only saliva and the crux of his fingers. It hadn’t been on the best of terms either.

Thor knew Loki must hate him on some level for that; for all that Loki encouraged him into doing it with a proud smirk on his face.

“ _I_ need you sober.” Thor paused as Loki’s breath rushed over his face. Then, quieter, “What was it? Coke?”

“Yes,” Loki hissed as Thor twisted his fist at the head, rubbing his thumb through the first trailing of liquid dripping thick from the tip. He coated his palm as much as he could and it Loki thrusting into his fist. “ _Yes._ ”

“Isn’t it bad to take what you sell?”

Loki gripped tight and pulled Thor’s head back and his lips dragged over Thor’s as he nodded sharply. Thor kept his fist tight enough to force Loki’s hasty thrusts to slow down, keep steady. He squeezed the base on each long drag of Loki’s hips until it had Loki crying out choked sounds.

“Thor, please, _please_ —”

“Loki.”

“It’s bad, it’s not how it’s done no—” Loki broke off as Thor squeezed once, too hard. It had Loki tug his hair sharply in return. Thor stroked him once in apology and resumed the slow pace. His other hand trailed around to grip the curve of Loki’s thigh, urging him forward. “I don’t do it a lot. Just, just when—” He cut off on a groan and Thor gave in and kissed him, slow, once, twice, pulling off like Loki always had on a drag of one of his cigarettes.

“Just when what?”

Loki’s other arm found its way to Thor’s back, clawing at the dip and curve of a shoulder blade. His thigh came up to hook over Thor’s. Thor reached a hand back to drag a rough finger over the wrinkle of skin there and it had Loki bucking his hips forward.

“Just when—”

“When I’m desperate. When I’m angry, when I just want to—Thor, damn you—”

Thor was heavy and aching between his own thighs and let himself give in to the sweet drag of flesh as he pressed close and his cock fit in the space between Loki’s spread legs. Loki reached down and grabbed Thor’s rear, Thor’s name a whisper on his tongue.

“When you want to what, Loki?” And Thor’s voice was ruined too.

“I thought you’d left. I thought you were gone and you weren’t coming back. I fucked up. I fucked up. I always fuck up. Thor, please, I’m just—”

“Promise me,” Thor groaned, pushing Loki onto his back and rolling his hips. “No more drugs.”

Loki opened his eyes to lock with Thor’s and the grin he gave is both sad and proud, and Thor knew. He knew.

He had a small bottle of lubricant in his drawer and so he reached to grab it out, freeing the cap and pouring a mess of it all between Loki’s legs and his own fingers. But when he pushes in, slow, agonizing, it’s worth it.

That grin never left Loki’s face.

\--

It was noon before Thor managed to drag himself from bed, set on taking a shower and washing the dried mess painted along his thighs and stomach. He felt sticky and it had never been a pleasant feeling.

He thought Loki had fallen back to sleep but his voice drifted over to Thor as he was about to stand. Thor poised, still, on the edge of his bed. His phone was dark where it sat on his beside table.

“I’ll try.”

Thor knew he meant the drugs and that was enough for him.

He reached back and squeezed Loki’s hip before rising and heading to the shower.

\--

Thor was naïve. Thor thought he knew the tragedies of the world and when he learned the truth of them, he shied away like a young colt.

But Loki liked that about him.

He liked that Thor couldn’t seem to help it.

No matter how low he’d seen Thor fall, he kept snapping back to this seemingly happier place. He kept going. Loki wanted to know what that place was. What it was like. He wanted to see what it was that could bring back someone who had once been so beaten by life.

It drew Loki to Thor like a moth to a flame and he wanted to see it for himself, even if he knew it wouldn’t ever be for him. Loki hated it, but he couldn’t keep away.

He wanted to see Thor happy.

Even if that meant Loki had to reach further down into the murk of his life.


	9. Chapter 9

Thor woke up to the sound of Loki speaking, voice hushed. He blinked against the darkness, confused at the lack of sunlight. He rolled over and saw Loki hunched, speaking in his phone. He was being quiet but, still, Thor could tell there was something wrong. A glance at his own phone told him it was only four in the morning.

He reached over and touched the knobs of Loki’s spine gently, trailing his fingers up and down soothingly. Loki startled a bit, but then calmed and leaned into the touch. Thor heard him sigh.

“I know it’s past Friday. I know,” he was saying. “…I know. I’ll have it to you soon. Have I ever gone without a delivery? ….Exactly. Trust me.”

Thor sat up and moved so that he was sitting behind Loki, legs around his and Loki’s back touching his chest. He wrapped his arms around Loki’s waist and held him loosely, feeling the vibrations of his voice.

One of Loki’s hands folded over his and Thor kissed his shoulder.

“I’ve not failed you before, why should I now? If you doubt me, ask Helblindi. Hell, ask Amora. She’ll vouch for—”

There was a long pause and Loki tensed. Thor pressed soft, comforting kisses to his shoulder. He hoped they were comforting.

“She told you…? That has no bearing. You’re a fool to listen to such blatant lies.”

Thor could hear the tinny scratch of the other’s voice and wondered desperately what it was saying to Loki.

“There was an unforeseen issue with my shop. I’m going for it today. Yeah. Yes. Yes…. _Yes_ , goddammit.” Thor felt Loki’s rush of breath fan over his hands. Loki pulled loosely at the hair on his arm.

The pause was long, too long. It seemed to drag on forever. Loki’s fingers twitched against him.

“I’ll get it to you tonight.”

Loki hung up and tossed his phone on the small bedside table, knocking against the empty glass there. He sighed and sagged in Thor’s hold.

“A bodyguard was actually a smart idea.”

Thor chuckled. “They don’t need to know who I am. I could be a client for all they know.”

Loki shook his head. “No. No, you can’t do that. You can’t say that to them.”

Thor poked his stomach until Loki was frowning. He said, “We’ll be fine, Loki. Like I said.”

Loki let his head fall back against Thor’s shoulder and let out a weak laugh. “This has all gone to shit. I should never have hired you. Never should have even given you that coffee.”

“It did cure one hell of a headache.” Loki’s laughter shook him in Thor’s arms. Thor smiled against his neck and he followed it with a kiss. “Trust me.”

Loki reached up to wind his fingers through Thor’s hair.

“That was possibly my first mistake.” He must have felt Thor go tense for he quickly said, “I’ve dragged you into this. You could die, Thor.”

“So could you. I would rather share a risk than have you face it alone.”

Loki went quiet and so Thor was content to simply hold him. Eventually, Loki’s hand fell back to his stomach and he started to shake very slightly. Loki reached up to place two fingers in the corners of his eyes and Thor knew he was crying.

Thor pressed a firmer kiss at his neck, then the back of his jaw, just under his ear. He nuzzled his face there, breathing in the scent of Loki’s hair. Thor held him as he wept silently.

“You’re a fool,” Loki said, when the first light was slipping between the blinds. “I’m a fool.”

\--

“One of us really needs to get a car,” Thor said as they rounded the third block to the café.

Loki laughed to the sky.

\--

The café wasn’t open yet and so Loki dug out his keys and shoved them into the lock. The rush of cool air had Thor’s skin prickling in gooseflesh. He noticed the displays were still full.

“Darcy always leaves them in. I should really just fire _her_ ,” Loki muttered, going over to see which foods were still fresh.

“You could never,” said Thor as he went over to steal a Danish. It was stale but it was his breakfast, so it would do.

Loki eyed him. “I can bake you something when we get back. Don’t eat that.” He went to steal it out of Thor’s mouth but Thor stepped aside and gave him a kiss on the cheek, full of day old sugar and flaked bread.

“I knew I should have fired you.” But Loki was smiling.

\--

Loki’s flat was as messy as Thor had last seen it. The only difference, he noticed, was the syringe he’d seen was gone.

He had to know. “Do you ever inject?”

“Jesus, you want to have this conversation, here, _now_?” Loki asked him, turning on his heel.

Thor nodded.

“I like to have a bit of fun, Thor. I’m not out to kill myself.”

“Why that needle then?”

Loki shrugged, waving his hand at the surrounding mess. He stepped over the bills Thor had thrown at his chest, raining down to the floor.

“Sometimes I have a little more fun than others.”

Thor sighed and shook his head, frowning. Loki could see the anger brewing. Residual, at best.

“I didn’t want you to prick yourself with it. I threw it away.”

Thor couldn’t think of anything to say. He’d expected many things, but not that. He reached out and grasped Loki’s wrist.

“You had enough on your plate,” he murmured. Thor drew Loki towards him, pulled him into a hug that Loki readily returned.

But then he huffed against his neck and said, “I would love to have another go up here, but we really do need that case.”

Thor pinched his side and released him. Loki smiled as he bent to clear a path for them.

“Why all the newspapers?”

“News is a drug runner’s best friend, Thor. You need to keep up with the world if you don’t want them to keep up with you.”

Thor hummed at the sound logic, no matter how morally flawed the task at hand, and bent to gather them into neat piles. “Why all the money?”

“Ever watch those old James Bond movies?”

“Yeah.”

“Wouldn’t you have bundles of cash lying around if you had the means?”

Thor shook his head to obscure the grin splitting his face.

“Really though, it’s easier to pack if it’s already lying around. Otherwise I’d have to repack it and I have little patience for such meandering tasks. Can you hand me those rubber bands? Over there, yeah.” He shifted his crouch as he took them from Thor’s hand. He started binding the bills together in larger stacks than before.

“Sometimes I imagine what would have happened if our places were switched,” Thor wondered.

Loki huffed at him. “Please. I always was the fire starter.”

Thor had no idea of what Loki’s childhood was like, but he thought he could imagine.

\--

The case was a simple black briefcase with gold clasps. The gold was rusting, flaking off. Copper.

Thor stood beside Loki as he turned it around in his palms. It didn’t seem heavy, or anything important, with the way Loki was handling it.

“Well, let’s go,” Loki blurted out.

“What, you’re not getting anything else? Anything you, you know…”

Loki turned around and smirked. “What, Thor?”

“You’re staying with me for a while, right?”

Suddenly it seemed intimate. But they’d already been staying together for a few days. Already had enough sex that Thor had to go out and buy new lube. Thor tried to shake the feeling of embarrassment, it was ridiculous. Misplaced.

Loki seemed to catch on. “I have nothing here anymore. This is all they need.”

Thor’s smile flickered, brief. He changed the subject. “What’s in there anyway?”

“You’ll see.”

“Will I?”

“Tonight.”

Thor followed him out, and when they weren’t swarmed by people thrusting guns into their faces, they think it’s safe. Loki twisted the key in the café’s lock and closed everything up. They spilled into the street, taking the alleys to cut through the people starting to walk to work and into their cars for commuting.

“So what is the plan for tonight?”

Loki puffed his cheeks and held his breath. He let is out in a rush and turned to meet Thor’s eyes.

“You will come with me. A plus one, of sorts. You’ll say nothing and keep contact for however long is necessary. You don’t want them to start asking questions, but you don’t want them to think you rude. That would be much worse.”

“What will happen after you give them that?” Thor asked him, their shoulders brushing.

“I’ll lay low for a week. Eat your food. Sleep. I haven’t slept so much as I have since I met your bed. I’m actually half of the mind to steal it.” He knocked Thor’s arm and grinned at him. Then he sobered. “I’m going to let things calm. Then I will hand them my card.”

“Do they usually accept that?”

“It’s not done. But they’re used to me breaking the rules every now and again. But first,” Loki began, then his smile grew weak.

“First?” Thor tried.

“You meet Thrym.”


	10. Chapter 10

“So what does the number mean? Really?” Thor asked him. “Yours had a three on it.”

They were eating grilled cheese sandwiches with tomatoes. Loki was picking at them like they would burst, eager beneath his lazy fingers.

“I’m third in line to run things. If Thrym and his second die, then the club is mine.”

Thor wasn’t expecting that. Fandral had been low on the list, a consumer. He couldn’t think of how thin the line was between the two of them.

But Thor chose to focus on something else Loki had said that caught his attention. Loki wasn’t looking at him.

“Who’s second?”

Loki didn’t hesitate.

“My father.”

Thor set his sandwich down and wiped at his mouth with a napkin. Loki kept eating, like it wasn’t anything significant. Like it was common knowledge. Thor was aware of his throat working, trying to force out words, but they stopped short each time.

“Loki.” It’s all he could manage.

He ignored Thor.

“I’m sorry.”

Loki coughed a laugh and shook his head. An eyebrow quirked as he finally met Thor’s eyes.

“Don’t be. He’s nothing.”

Thor could see a sore subject when he saw one and so he dropped it. He went back to eating his food, thinking of what the night would bring for them both. How dangerous it would be. If he’d meet Loki’s father. He’d never even seen the backrooms of Ice before.

He wondered what Loki had in mind. He wondered how the club would handle being handed back a card with the third highest rank. A son of one of the top two, no less.

Thor had trouble defining the tightness in his chest just then, but he swallowed past it. The pain bloomed in his throat and spread like fiery pollutant; licking up his tongue and making his lips twitch with words he still wanted to say. But he couldn’t.

He couldn’t.

\--

Loki went up behind Thor when he was washing their plates and wrapped his arms around Thor’s middle. Thor could feel Loki’s breath against his neck, his scalp. Long, slim fingers twitched against his stomach as they stood there.

Loki mouthed silent, nameless things against his skin and it soothed Thor in a way he hadn’t felt since he was young. Before his father died. It was nearly unnerving, save for the way Loki swayed slightly behind him.

Thor finished the dishes and they stayed there, standing in the kitchen.

\--

They agreed to leave at nine. Loki had told Thor the bar opened at four, and Ice itself opened at six, but it was best for the dealers not to show up until later. The only ones who went in at opening were Thrym and Laufey, to count bills, secure tabs for the remainder of the night, make sure the bar ran smoothly. It also gave time for patrons to stuff a little bit more powder up their noses, a little more liquor to slide down their throats, and for their wallets to be more forgiving. It worked.

Thor was disgusted.

“If you see a fight break out, don’t intervene. Even if something is directed toward me. I need you out of the spotlight. And besides, the bouncers don’t take that shit for long, even if it is on the bar floor.”

Thor nodded but he was thinking of Fandral. He’d been on the bar level, delirious and smiling through sobs as he realized his failure at dying. Thor still didn’t know if it was an honest attempt or a fluke brought on by the drugs.

He still had dreams about Fandral’s face. About the tie he’d had so tight around his neck, his face so purple with white powder smeared across his nose and mouth, that it couldn’t possibly be taken for anything else.

Thor still felt guilty. He knew that, aside from being the one who put Fandral in the hospital in the first place, he’d been responsible long before that.

He’d been drifting apart from his friends for years. After his father died, and what seemed like every suit in town had shown up to pay their false respect, he’d gone into himself. He’d changed. Thor had learned that those closest to you could play below the belt and get away with it, and still die with a well-told lie reflected in the faces of those around you, left behind to see to your legacy. It was sickening.

The world had seemed fake to him after. Like the vague realities of dreams, where the edges were fuzzy and there was never a way to truly see who it was staring back at you.

Fandral never touched drugs when they’d been younger. None of his friends had, save Sif one summer when she was feeling particularly adventurous and had stolen a bit of her brothers’ pot. But they all liked being together, hanging out and adventuring through backwoods and alleyways and making their own worlds during adolescence that nothing else really compared.

It was something to experience. A one-off.

But then they’d grown up.

Thor changed.

Fandral changed.

Everything had changed.

\--

Loki had walked into his life and, by shoving a cup of coffee under his nose, it felt like Thor had finally woken up.

\--

Thor was pouring them both glasses of water when his phone rang.

Since Loki was there, on his couch, and didn’t seem to be pulling a prank on him—because Loki knew he pissed Thor off with his random calls and he enjoyed that they did—he ignored it. He had to focus on that night and what it would bring them.

“What should I wear?” Thor asked him as he sat down, handing Loki the glass.

Loki took a long drink and set it down on the table. He flipped through channels aimlessly. “Something dark. Preferably a suit, but you don’t have any.”

Thor knew Loki had looked through his things. It didn’t bother him as much as he expected it to. Loki was a curious creature and liked to know all possibilities before charging into something, and it was something Thor had noticed seeped seamlessly into his everyday life. Not just with how he ran his coffee shop.

Thor didn’t tell Loki the reason he no longer had a suit was because the only one he ever had was the one he’d worn to his father’s funeral. And it was nothing he ever wanted to wear again, so he’d donated it to a goodwill down the street from his mother.

“Neither do you,” Thor tossed back.

Loki’s mouth fell open slightly, as if the thought hadn’t occurred to him. “You’re right.” He thought for a moment.

Thor took in his thoughtful stare. “You could go back and get some clothes. Do you have a computer? A toothbrush even?”

Finally Loki said, “It’s not safe to go back so soon. I can go back after this is over and get my clothes. And no, I don’t have a computer. Just my phone.”

Thor’s heart was hammering.

After.

He hadn’t really thought of that.

Thor fought to gather his voice into something steady, trying not to think of the possibility of Loki wanting to move in. It was ridiculous anyway. He had the means to move somewhere else. He had his own life. And he’d made it clear he was not anyone to aimlessly follow along with someone, he was too changing for that.

Thor didn’t know what to make of it.

Thankfully, he didn’t have to use his voice after all.

“I have a card. We can go buy something. We need Thrym to think I’m the professional I am, not the slacking, lying, thief the others make me out to be.”

“I don’t know, you are a little lazy.”

“Oh?” Loki was smirking.

Thor quirked his lips. “Lying around here, using my shower, eating me out of house and home. You can lie pretty damn well too.”

“Ah, but have I stolen anything from you?” His eyes were bright and Thor wanted to kiss him. Lay Loki along the couch and cover his body and lick and nip at his skin until he was tugging Thor’s hair and wrapping those long legs around his waist.

Thor swallowed, leaning forward to kiss Loki in place of an answer. Loki laughed softly into it and reached an arm to wind around Thor’s shoulders, pulling him closer.

It was safer like this. He didn’t have an answer.

Because Loki had stolen something from him. He just couldn’t name what it was.

\--

They took turns in the shower. Loki went first, walking naked with his hair still wet to Thor’s room, smirking as he walked past. Thor was tempted to follow but he refrained. Loki rifled through his closet, eyeing shirts. It made something small and fluttering settle light in his chest.

He stepped into the bathroom and took his time showering. He rinsed his hair twice and then tied it back into a small bun when he got out. It was getting much too long.

He was drying himself off when he saw his phone flash on the counter. He tapped the screen twice and saw he had another missed call, the icon for voicemail shining in the corner.

It took him too long to realize the number was familiar.

It was Fandral.

Thor finished dressing and left the bathroom, steam trickling out as he stepped into the hall.

Loki was in the living room watching television again. He glanced over as Thor walked past and went to the door.

“Thor?” he asked, but Thor was already closing it on his way out.

\--

_I just wanted to see if you, uh. Uh._

There was the sound of Fandral clearing his throat and then he continued.

_If you were going to visit? Like I know it’s been a while and since the bar and…shit. Fuck._

There was a long pause and the sound of what Thor guessed was Fandral drumming his fingers against his phone.

_I didn’t press charges you know. You saved my life._

Thor felt like crying. He didn’t deserve this.

_So, uh, yeah. Yeah. Shit. Thor, we both made mistakes that night. Fucking huge mistakes. So I guess that makes us both assholes, yeah?_

Thor heard the door open behind him and then Loki was there, eyes peering at his face. Thor held his stare.

_So yeah. Don’t be dumb like me. Let’s all of us hang out again soon, alright?_

Thor tapped the screen and it went dark. He let his arm fall to his side and finally shut his eyes. Loki wasn’t saying anything, but Thor could guess the questions that would surely follow.

Thor shook his head lightly, eyes opening to slits as he squinted down at the ground. Loki’s hands were on his arms, thumbs pressing into the meat of his shoulders.

“I don’t deserve this. They don’t owe me. They shouldn’t even want to look at me.”

He felt like he did back at day one. When he’d first wandered into Loki’s café and passed out to the sound of soft conversational murmurs and the distant hum of lazy traffic.

He felt small.

Loki pressed firmly against Thor’s shoulders, pushing him back gently until he could reach the knob and walk Thor inside. Thor just let it happen.

Loki shut the door and turned on him. “Then what do you deserve?”

Loki looked as serious as he had when they’d first spoken in the forest.

Thor opened his mouth to say something, anything, that resembled a reason. But all that came out was a rough, “Not them.”

“You are a poor liar, Thor.”

Loki leaned forward and kissed him, trapping Thor’s upper lip between his own. Thor sagged at the touch, a rush of shaky breath leaving him.

Loki led him to press back against the wall that severed the kitchen from the living room. His hands were busy at his belt and Thor watched as Loki went down to his knees, pulling Thor’s jeans and boxers down with him in one quick tug.

Loki sucked him down, still soft and cool, and sucked until Thor was hard and panting, thrusting shallowly into his mouth. Loki squeezed his ass softly and when Thor came Loki hummed and swallowed, hands wandering to stroke over his thighs.

Loki pulled off and looked up at Thor. He was red cheeked and smiling something just at the edge of wicked.

\--

In the end, they’d gone to a small shop in the upper districts. It took about an hour on foot and had them both red in the face from going up so many hills, but the prices were decent and Loki had more than enough.

Thor wore dark blue slacks and a grey jacket with a white dress shirt and red tie. Loki wore a slim, black suit and a tie that shone green when it caught light a certain way.

\--

The crowd was sane. The line was reasonably straight as the bouncer let people in. They chatted amongst themselves and no one pushed or pulled or was already drunk off their feet. No bar hoppers.

And they fit in. Everyone was dressed in smart suits and tight dresses that had been fitted to the cut of the body it was wrapped around. Tailored. These people had money.

Thor suddenly felt out of place, but when he followed Loki to the front of the line, they parted easily for them both. The bouncer spared Loki a glance and gave Thor a longer look, but he let them pass without a word.

They nodded to each other and then they were in.

\--

Ice looked just like any other bar. The only external difference was that the only neon sign was the large, glowing blue _Ice_ just above the entrance. A high end bar. The lighting wasn’t shot and the counters were polished steel. There were enough seats for capacity, but tucked into corner with matching steel tables that allowed for privacy. It was clean. It smelled clean. The scent of bitter liquor drifted through the air like an attractive musk. It didn’t cling to the floors and the walls and settle between the seat cushions and spoil to something like rotted piss.

It was a lovely place, Thor thought. A place that, if he hadn’t known it to be what it really was, and if he hadn’t been sober for nearly an entire month, he would have enjoyed coming to.

Days long in the past.

\--

There were patrons already sat around the bar, a few scattered around tables. The plush sofas that lined the front wall had men in suits talking together, one with a woman casually palming his arm. Thor couldn’t hear what they were discussing; the music that played was soft but just loud enough to obscure whatever business might be made that night.

Thor’s eyes drifted to the small decline of steps on the other side of the room where he’d had to drag Fandral out under the arms, mumbling through the haze of drugs and pain and blood that stained his teeth.

Loki very casually brushed his arm, drawing his attention back. He met his stare pointedly and Thor knew to follow him further.

They walked past the few stairs, dragging watchful eyes with them until they reached a black door and Loki opened it for them to walk inside.

Thor could feel their eyes burning long after he closed it.

\--

“Haven’t been here in a while,” Loki explained. “I’m a rare face around here.”

It was free to speak past the door. They were in a hallway and the music thudded softly, a deep bass in the walls that allowed for clearer conversation. It was empty of people.

“They’ve seen me before too. I didn’t exactly leave an unmemorable impression.”

“It’s better they know what you’re capable of than what you aren’t.”

Thor stared at Loki’s back as they walked down the hall. His head was bent forward, dark hair slicked back and breaking the neat line of his collar. Thor could imagine him staring at the ground as they walked.

He didn’t know what Loki meant.

The case swayed at Loki’s side as he stepped and Thor could see him worry the handle with his thumb. Loki was nervous.

Thor was too.

\--

The moment they entered the room, Thor could tell who Thrym was and who Laufey was. Laufey had the same jaw and nose as his son. The same dark, peering eyes that seemed to pick you apart. But he was menacing. And something about him, as he stared at Thor beside his son, seemed tired. Ancient.

Thrym was slightly taller than Thor and had a comb-over. There was a tattoo peeking out the collar of his dress shirt but Thor couldn’t tell what it was.

They both didn’t question Thor’s presence.

Loki handed the case to Thrym without a word and Thrym nodded. He went and placed it on his desk and clicked it open.

Thor was still busy taking in their appearances when he remember he was curious about the contents of the case. He angled his head and caught Loki looking at him.

There were four small flash drives, secured down by small walls of velvet arranged in rows. Thrym thumbed one and turned it over in his hand before replacing it and closing the case again.

“You’re late,” Thrym said, not looking at them. He was heavily accented, but Thor couldn’t tell what it was.

Laufey’s stare slid to his son and Thor could breathe easier for it.

“Complications with the shop, like I said. It’s been slow.”

“What sort of slow?”

“Women with their children. No college kids.” Thor knew it was a lie; there were plenty of customers of all ages. “Old men with their wives. They come for coffee and pastries, it’s not exactly a business that screams _fence_.”

“It’s not enough.”

Loki withdrew a roll of bills from an inner pocket. He set it on the table. “This is four sales worth. They were large orders. I’ve not dropped it.”

Thrym took the bundle and unbound it, counting the bills quickly. Thor saw the flash of multiple zeros on each as they flipped through his fingers.

“Twenty for four sales? Of our own? Not nearly the norm.”

Loki tensed his jaw. “Then maybe you’d like me to move locations?”

Thrym smiled thinly and shook his head. Thor saw age in the lines painting his forehead and around his mouth as he did. “No. No. Freyja was incorrect about you in one way, you are not entirely lazy.”

Loki laughed. Thor felt it grate, it was wrong. Tense.

Laufey’s lips quirked at it.

“He knows where he is needed. Let Helblindi push sales. There are always ways of spreading wealth and word.” Laufey folded his hands together in front of him.

Thrym shook his head. “There are words and then there is wealth.” He sucked in his cheek as he thought and ran a hand over his thinned hair. “We’ll put your other boy on foot. Have him screen a few potentials. Make them curious. They need to know they can buy from Loki.”

“My brother doesn’t have to do that. He makes twice as much as I do. There’s no need for him to trickle his leftovers to me to make rent,” Loki said, voice harsh.

Thor was watching Loki. He didn’t know Loki had a brother.

“Byleister then. Siblings need to help each other,” Thrym told him.

“He needs mentoring. He could barely pass algebra, you think he can deal?” Loki threw back.

Laufey laughed outright, loud and more than enough to startle Thor into raising his eyebrows high.

Loki shook his head. “I don’t need more business.”

The room went quiet and Thor knew this was it. This was the moment Loki wanted to put off. To save for a day when tension wasn’t as high. He could see Loki flexing his jaw and the tendon shift in his neck. He hadn’t expected this to happen so soon either.

And Thor knew Loki had been lying from the start. He had more than enough people that came in and gave him a look, that asked Thor for Loki if Thor was manning the register. The look that Thor had seen in the man who had spoken with Loki, and Thor knew the moment he saw him that he was different than the rest.

Loki wasn’t selling on purpose. But he didn’t know why.

Thor thought of his words.

_I’ll try._

Maybe he did know.

Laufey spoke then, “What are you saying?”

Loki shrugged.

“What do you think I am saying?”

Thrym sat in his chair and Laufey’s eyes once again drifted to Thor. Thor stared back.

“Who is your friend, son?”

Thor saw Loki’s eyes snap to his father’s out of the corner of his vision.

“He’s no one. Pretend he isn’t here.”

Laufey stepped forward. Thor held his intensive stare and didn’t shrink away from his proximity.

“I’ve seen you around here before. Weeks ago. You dragged a patron out nearly by his hair.”

Thor swallowed. “He was a friend.”

“You beat him until he spit out teeth. That does not sound like a friend to me.”

“Enough,” Loki said, loud in the small room.

“He hasn’t been back. I assume you know how we work, considering you are here standing with my son.”

It wasn’t a question but Thor answered anyway. “Yes.”

“He was young. Here by his own choice.”

“Yes,” Thor repeated. His throat ached.

“You are young as well. A boy, like my own. And what did you do with your friend?”

“I tore up his card.”

“You’re but a child, playing. You have no idea what this world is.”

“Maybe I don’t, but I know enough. You make money ruining other people's lives.”

Laufey smiled, laughter tickling at his eyes. But they never entirely forgot their tired demeanor.

Loki stepped between them. “I said, enough.”

Laufey’s smile dropped and he looked at Loki with something that gave Thor chills. Hatred. Laufey stepped back and gave them both space.

Thrym had been silent while they spoke, but finally he spoke. “You are tired with the business, Loki. Is that correct?”

Loki swallowed thickly. “Yes.”

“It happens. But I have not seen an heir leave since my mother left my father.”

“She didn’t want it. She had her life.”

Thrym stared silently up at Loki as Loki reached into his suit pocket and withdrew his card. He held it out to Thrym.

“I wasn’t intending to do this tonight, but you’re both smart. I’m done. I’ve been done for a long time.”

“You play games, Loki. You enjoy them. You’ll never be _done_.”

Loki smirked. “Well, I’m done today.”

Thrym took the card slowly, eyes switching between Thor and Loki both.

Finally he said, “You know _this_ ,” he held up the card, “It isn’t done.”

“I’m doing it.”

Loki turned and left the room. Thor hurried to follow.

But not before he saw Laufey’s glare trained on their backs.

\--

“Who are you calling?” Thor asked Loki as soon as they were outside.

The night air was cool and fresh against his skin and to breathe it in so deeply after being stuck in that room was more than enough to wash the dread from his mind. He’d felt nauseated the moment they’d entered Thrym’s office.

“Darcy. I need to tell her to clear out. We can’t go back to the café.”

Thor was quiet as Loki waited for her to pick up. Thor could hear the ringing from where he stood.

Finally, Darcy’s voice uttered a tinny hello.

“Darcy, hey. I need you to know not to come in anymore. It’s not—”

Thor could hear a small yell of disbelief followed by a _oh hell no you aren’t firing me_.

Loki’s lips twitched. “Darcy, please. It’s not safe. I’ll come over with Thor soon and explain. Just don’t come by, don’t even go down that street.”

Thor heard the crowd behind them surging, a sudden burst of sound of someone yelling at someone else and then hasty, sure footsteps.

“Darcy, I swear I—”

Then Loki’s phone went flying to the pavement and he followed after it. Thor had been shoved aside and he stumbled, trying to right his balance.

Laufey was standing over Loki, bent at the waist and punching him. Loki was vicious underneath him, spitting blood at his face and grabbing at his arms and reaching for his collar. But Laufey kept him pinned there, fist catching his son’s jaw.

The sound of pain Loki let out finally had Thor coming back to himself.

He charged at Laufey and had their position reversed in a matter of moments. Thor caught his forehead and sent his head snapping back against the pavement.

Loki was groaning, rolling to sitting and pushing himself over. He hooked his hands under Thor’s arm and pulled until his fist veered off and hit Laufey’s shoulder.

It was ugly. It was clumsy.

But Loki’s face was bleeding and cut and Laufey was still smiling through Thor’s hits. Thor felt Laufey kick at him and with Loki pulling at his arms, he lost balance and fell to the side, half tripping on his own weight.

“Protecting my son like a shining knight! Ha!”

Thor was confused why Loki pulled him off until Loki stood and sent a kick into his ribs.

Laufey cut off on a painful gasp and he sucked in breath as he rolled, shielding himself.

Thor knew this was wrong. All of it. He felt he was seeing something unlock inside Loki and was being released right in front of him. And he knew Loki would kill Laufey.

He went to stand, to pull Loki back from Laufey but he didn’t have the chance.

A bouncer slammed into Loki.

And Thor tried calling his name but then a force slammed into him from the back and he fell to the pavement. His head met the cement and then everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be the last.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end, thank you for reading everyone! The support and enthusiasm it has received still is amazing to me. Thank you so much for sticking with it!

There was a knock on the door and Thor looked up, his head throbbing beneath the heavy gauze circling his skull.

Loki’s heart monitor was a intermittent beep and whir of metal gauges whizzing silently to work the machine.

“Hey,” Sif said, sitting beside Thor.

He nodded his hello and turned back to where Loki was, lying on his back in a hospital bed, unconscious.

After he’d woken up in the hospital, he’d been disoriented. Full of drugs. A nurse had been close at hand and she came to his aid, gently keeping him lying down, still against his confusion. He remembered shaking his head. Remembered asking what happened, where was Loki, how long had it been.

She had told him Loki was in a room two floors up, sedated, healing. She told him that once the two security guards got involved, someone in the crowd outside called the police. They came with ambulances. The club had been ransacked.

Thor almost asked her why the bouncers hadn’t stopped the fight. But then he remembered being tackled to the ground and blacking out.

The night had been kind to Thor. But Loki hadn’t been so lucky. Loki was family. Loki was part of that place. They wouldn’t have just let him walk out alive.

Thor almost cried, wanting to thank whoever it was that called the police when they did.

After that they’d been rushed to the hospital and put in ICU. Loki had stayed there.

It had been a week and Loki hadn’t woken up.

“His father did this,” Thor said to the air. He didn’t really intend for Sif to know about this, about Loki, about any of it.

But when he’d called her the second day, when he could sit up and keep his food down and the nurse allowed it, she’d been quiet. She’d listened.

He had underestimated Sif.

“He’ll be alright. Look at him. The bruising has already gone down.”

Thor wanted to tell her it would take another two weeks for the stitches to come out, but he stopped himself. He wanted her here as much as he wanted to be alone. As much as he wanted to go home with Loki and have all of this be in the past.

Sif’s hand went to his back, rubbing her thumb in a comforting circle. “Thor, you’ll be okay. He’ll be okay.”

“It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have gone in with him. They knew me from when Fandral and I had last been there. They knew something was wrong.”

Sif was quiet for a long time. They both watched how Loki’s chest rose and fell with breath. It rattled in his chest. Thor could see his oxygen mask fog and then fade, over and over. Loki’s eyes moved beneath the lids in his sleep.

“He called you, you know.”

“Yeah. I got his voicemail before we headed over to Ice. I was going to call back.”

“He knows you saved his life. Not in the greatest way, mind,” She pinched him. “But you pulled his ass out of there and destroyed the only way he could get back in.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because you saved _him_ too. By being there. He could have just walked into Thrym’s office and been shot then and there if he handed in his card that night.”

Thor shook his head, frowning. “He wanted to wait.”

“It could have happened then too. And you told me how it happened. You pulled Laufey off. And you kept Loki from making a choice you had to keep yourself from making.”

Thor pictured the way Loki looked about to kill Laufey. How he’d been ready to do it. Thought about the family Loki never spoke of and how Thor knew very little of his past. How it was personal. How Thor had believed it was warranted in the moment, before he’d been driven to stopping Loki from making the mistake he almost had.

“It’s different. I didn’t want to kill Fandral. I was angry, drunk. I couldn’t see past what he’d done to himself, what he tried to do. I threw one hit and I couldn’t stop myself. It’s an unforgiveable mistake.”

“You’ll need to talk with Fandral about that. But he’s not dead and you’re not drinking anymore. I know it’s been difficult since your father died. But things can change, they change every day. You can still fix things.”

“I don’t deserve it. Sif, I don’t deserve for things to be fixed.”

“Fandral does.”

Thor leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, clasped his hands together in front of his mouth, and hung his head. Sif rubbed his back silently as he wept and stayed with him for a long time.

Loki remained unconscious and his breath was the only sound that filled the room, shaky and labored, growing steadier each day.

\--

Loki woke up on the ninth day.

Thor was lying asleep in his chair, slouched halfway out of it, when Loki said his name.

Thor thought he was still in the clasp of quiet dreams when he heard it again and he straightened slowly, opening his eyes.

Loki had his head tipped to the side, eyes narrowed groggily and looking at him. Thor smiled before he could help himself.

Loki raised his hand and Thor shook his head, shrugging off sleep as quickly as he could, moving closer to the bed and holding Loki’s hand down.

“You have two IVs in that arm, don’t move too much.”

Loki let out a small hum of sound and let his head roll back to lie centered on the pillow. He stared up at Thor. His fingers twitched upwards and Thor released his wrist to slip three of his own in them. He bent down and pressed his lips to Loki’s forehead, then his oxygen mask and Loki let out a hum again, soft.

He closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

\--

Thor was released from the hospital on the tenth day, but they let him stay in Loki’s room as a visitor. He was allowed to sleep overnight in an extra rollaway cot his original nurse had pulled out for him. He felt like he should bring her something like flowers, or cookies.

Loki was taken off oxygen the next day and the first breath he took didn’t sound ugly and rattled like the ones just hours before. The orbital swelling around his eyes had gone down and he could open his eyes almost all the way.

He was taken off intravenous the next and he could eat on his own, soft foods and liquids. They still kept almost his entire torso encased in ice for the broken ribs and Thor learned when to rotate the packs so Loki didn’t freeze. He couldn’t sit up so Thor helped him with utensils. He could tell Loki hated that and so he soon bullied the spoons away from Thor and fed himself as much as he could.

He could speak but his voice was rough and pained so he communicated in small gestures or grunts and Thor was happy to oblige.

Soon enough they move him to one of the lower rooms and the space was limited. Thor was still allowed to stay through the nights but he was warned by Loki’s doctor that as soon as his ribs healed, Thor had to return home.

\--

It was another two weeks before Loki could sit up on his own and they both didn’t like it when Thor was casually dismissed for the night when visiting hours were over.

Loki had his meds to make him sleep but Thor stayed up all night, waiting for his alarm to go off so he could call Sif to drive him back out.

\--

Thor managed to sneak in a burger for Loki and Loki finished it in a few minutes, crunching the wrapper back up and throwing it in the trash.

“I’m so sick of applesauce. You need to bring me at least five more burgers, Thor.”

Thor laughed and settled in for the remainder of the day.

\--

“What happened to Ice?” Loki asked him.

The Police swept it clean. Thrym’s in jail but your brothers made it out. I don’t know what happened to Laufey. The news showed his face but other than that, nothing.”

Loki was quiet.

Then, “It doesn’t matter anyway. He’s no one. No one at all.”

And so Thor nodded and didn’t press him.

“What about us?” Loki asked him next.

“I haven’t seen the police around here. Maybe we got out.”

“Maybe,” Loki muttered. But he sounded doubtful.

\--

The day before Loki was released, Thor went to the hospital and saw who he was least expecting.

Fandral was standing in the waiting room and they stared at each other for a long moment before the woman at the counter drew his attention back. He signed in and got his pass and went over to Fandral.

Fandral stood and tucked his hands in his pockets. He shrugged at Thor’s wary look and removed a hand to finger at the pass he wore around his neck.

“Sif told you,” Thor said.

“Yeah. Said it was bad.” And Fandral gestured to the double doors that led into the hall where Loki’s room was on.

“I should have visited you.”

“To be honest, Thor, I probably would have chewed your head off if you had.”

Fandral laughed but Thor bit his tongue, willing the throb of his heart to calm.

\--

“Coulson got the cops off your back, for a while. They know you both were at Ice.”

“He told you case sensitive information?”

Fandral shrugged again. They were standing outside of Loki’s room. “He couldn’t really stop the four of us when we got him a little red-faced and tipsy.” Fandral smiled and Thor could see the hint of a gap on the far right of his teeth.

“Jesus, Fandral. You’ll need dental work,” Thor said, remembering Laufey’s knowing tone.

“I have insurance. Like I’d let my smile go to shit? I need this to accentuate my charm.”

Thor shook his head, eyes flitting to the wall and back. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I fu—”

Fandral put up a hand to stop him. “I owe you a punch in that nose of yours and don’t think I won’t have it. But Sif tells me you stopped drinking. It’s enough.”

“It’s not. You can’t possibly think that.”

“I’ll miss our bar nights,” Fandral sighed. “But I get it. I was in a bad place. You were in a bad place. We’re dumbasses.”

“I almost killed you,” Thor said. His voice felt too small.

Fandral’s smile was weak. “But you stopped yourself. Then when I woke up in the hospital with a broken face _and_ the worst hangover of my life, I sure as hell wanted to kill you. But here we are. We’re both alive. We’re still friends—”

“How can you possibly say that—”

“And you realized what you did. I realized what I did. I got clean. You got clean. It’s in the past, isn’t it?”

Thor felt he’d never be able to make up the difference. But Sif’s words were still fresh in his mind and he knew that Fandral deserved him to try. Thor still wanted to be better. He wanted to be happy. He wanted to be worthy of his friends.

Fandral held out his hand, and the smile was small but his eyes shone. He wanted that too.

Thor reached out and clasped Fandral’s hand.

“Though,” Fandral said, “I shouldn’t say completely clean, I still smoke a pack a day.”

He laughed and Thor found it contagious.

And he thought, maybe it could be normal again, one day. It would never be the same, but it could be better. He would strive to make it so.

\--

In the end, Loki got to go home with Thor. It was quiet for a week and he really did eat all of Thor’s food, but Coulson eventually showed up.

They went through questioning and Thor got out of the line of fire early since he’d never been directly involved. He just had a bad habit of breaking people out of Ice, usually involving bar fights.

Loki traded information for his freedom.

Thor suspected Coulson was being easy on them. His colleagues wanted to put Loki away, round him up with his brothers. It was a week after Coulson first questioned them when they found Laufey, dead. Coulson didn’t tell them how, but the look he aimed at Loki was enough.

Loki hadn’t slept that night and turned around in Thor’s arms so much that finally, they both just sat up and talked, about Loki’s childhood, about his mother. It had been nice.

After that, the case ran smoothly. Helblindi and Byleister were both tracked down and Thor had to sit behind Loki in court as he watched his brothers be sentenced to terms in prison. Loki wasn’t so sentimental as to weep for brothers who would have sold him out if it would save their hides. Loki told him it was the same for them, if their places had been reversed.

Loki had told him their family dynamic ran more as a business than anything else. He’d also told Thor that night he couldn’t sleep how he’d been raised by his mother, moved in with his father and brothers after she died. They were only his siblings by half. That Helblindi was already grown by the time he came to them and how Byleister wasn’t interested in bonding with the new guy.

Loki got stuck with a long stint of community service, and his freedom, so it was a good outcome. A lucky outcome. Thor knew it could have easily ended up with both of them in jail for a long time, or worse, had someone not called the police that last night.

Loki chose to carry out his community service in his little, overgrown park.

Thor helped him. He introduced Loki to his friends, chased away Loki’s sadness, his rage, as best he could. And though it was bumpy for a while, they grew on Loki just as they had on Thor.

They were happy.

And Thor thought, this is it.

 _This_ is better.


End file.
